Shooting from the hip

Every three years, the main flag pole of the Jhanda Sahib is changed. This new one, all of 93 ft, comes all the way from Mothrowala, on about 1000 pairs of shoulders, carrying it in groups of about 250.

bhumesh bharti

QUANTITY vs QUALITY

 A few years back, while I was teaching at a boarding-school, there was a teachers’ workshop which dealt with individual attention and spending time with children. This of course meant how we, as teachers, could do that. What a paradox! Here we were, surrounded by hundreds of children, sent away by their parents, and we had to somehow find ways to fill in that gap, and provide parental care as well. Now the parents had many reasons, like busy careers, children being spoilt due to being in joint families, no good schools in their towns, or some just sent their children away because they cramped their busy social lifestyles! Most of the parents had good reasons, but some, I felt, were just selfish. 

I didn’t mind spending more time with the children, in fact, we would spend great times together, after class, on the field, in the dormitories, telling stories, cracking jokes, dressing-up as make-believe characters, or just plain old ghost stories in dark rooms at night(which I quickly had to put an end to!). It was heart-rending to watch them miss their parents or homes, trying to keep their chins up, but tears unexpectedly falling at the mention of anything from home. So many times I cried with them, feeling their pain and loss. At twenty something I missed home, these children were just five years of age!

Some years later, I started working in a day-school. And to my surprise, the children here were going through the same emotions as children in boarding-schools. I soon learned that parents did not have time for their children even when they were with them. A lot of them were busy with their jobs, household chores, social lives, and the worst of all, televisions or computers! And to my utter dismay, when told about this, they felt that their child was just saying that or behaving badly because he/she just wanted more attention. Bingo! How right they were! But they only saw this as a fault on the child’s part, rather than the problem having anything to do with them. Many of them told me that they spent ‘quality time’ with their children whenever they could.  

 Actually, the concept of ‘quality time’  was first conceived in the early 1970s, when both parents started to work outside, and they carried with them the guilt-pangs of child-neglect. So some research scholars of that time came up with a solution of breaking up their time into ‘quantity’ and ‘quality’ time. They also came to the conclusion that a child only needed about an hour of loving and close attention each day! So the guilt pangs evaporated and now busy careers and snotty noses could be managed perfectly! Not any more. 

I do have something to say about this, as do many child experts and psychologists all over the world, because soon, it became evident that business management principles could not successfully be applied to home and child management. It is an illusion, because children are not on our time-table. It is they who decide(as all parents will agree with me) when they need our attention and when they feel that we are just in their way! They may sometimes be too tired or too uninterested. And then there are times when they are inconsolable because all they need is us and nothing or no one else will do. Right! 

Being a parent of three myself, I agree that there is not enough energy, inclination or time on our hands. We would rather just sit and read a book or watch something on television or go out with friends. But how can we forget, we have now the greatest responsibility- to bring up our children. We chose this and now we need to stick with it. The time spent now with them, the hugs, kisses and cuddles, will give them the security and stability they will need in their adulthood, when they are on their own. Next time, I’m going to talk about a few practical ways to achieve this. Till then...!

 

 

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

To forgive or knot

It’s the climax scene: after making life miserable for the hero and his clan for the entire movie, the villain has been decidedly beaten at his own game. The hero has the sword/ gun/knife at the villain’s throat, but there is something stopping him from vanquishing the devil. The camera zooms in on the villain and then to the anger in the hero’s eyes; we see the turmoil he’s in. Suddenly the music changes - the hero has made his decision. The sword/gun/knife falls to the ground, the ‘baddie’ is forgiven for a lifetime of trouble-making, turns around to meet the wife/ girlfriend/mother only to be stabbed/shot by the villain....

As I was growing up, this is how I understood ‘forgiveness’.... something akin to ‘foolishness’. This was the conditioning that I picked up from not just the movies, but also explicit and implicit communication from society. All this communication, not only implied that forgiving was imprudent, but also confused ‘forgiveness’ with ‘trust’. You see, the hero could have forgiven the villain, but still not trusted him with the sword/gun/ knife.

As a pranic healer, I have seen, not one or two, but umpteen people with physical, emotional, spiritual, relationship and financial (yes! financial) troubles that stem from their inability and/or denial to forgive. One of the first things that we are taught, is the amazing ability of forgiveness to heal the body and the mind. We are also taught that forgiveness is of two kinds - internal and external. Internal forgiveness implies forgiving and letting go from your inner being; and this kind is for everyone. External forgiveness, on the other hand, implies that the ‘forgiven’ knows that he has been forgiven. Whether the other person knows that he has been forgiven, is a ‘trust’ decision; one that you need to take with prudence.
Simply put, forgiving is not something you do when you’re feeling magnanimous, but a decision that you take in your own interest.

Here’s what happens in energy terms: When ‘A’ holds a grudge against ‘B’, a cord binds ‘A&B’ in a relationship that saps both of them. This sapping relationship, if not released in time, often leads to problems for both ‘A’ and ‘B’. The good part is, this cord can be released from either side, ‘A’ forgiving ‘B’, or ‘B’ asking for forgiveness from ‘A’.

So here is an exercise that I strongly recommend to everyone for a healthy and peaceful life. Every night, yes every night, just as you are getting ready to sleep, make two lists. First, of ALL the people you think you could have hurt, knowingly or unknowingly, verbally, physically, financially or in any other way, and the second, of all the people who have hurt you in any of these ways. Now, one by one, make a mental picture of each one on the lists. To every one from List 1, say - “I realise I have hurt you in _____ manner, and from the bottom of my heart I ask for forgiveness. Thank you”. And to everyone on List2 say, - “you have hurt me in ____ manner. I realise that you are as much a child of God, as I am. I choose to forgive you and let you go”. And yes, don’t forget to put your own name in both lists.

A simple exercise, with astonishingly profound results. Trust me! My own List 1 started with a single digit population and in a few months crossed a hundred. List 2, on the other hand started with a few hundred and is now down to a handful. In this waxing and waning of lists, the knots inside me got undone and I went through a wonderful healing process at all levels - physical,  emotional and spiritual. Initially, it was tough - some people were especially tough to forgive. The exercise felt unreal, but with time, that changed, and so did I...

Ajay Mehta is a print designer, an Advanced Pranic Healer and a ‘spiritual’ seeker. He can be reached at ajaxmehta@gmail.com

Wanted, Mr. Tantra, Alive.

 I had a lovely Holi. This one in DehraDun after almost 20 years, and trust me, there is no place like home. In this case I mean Doon, the town that I call home, not just the rented place I currently live in.
The problem with the concept of ‘home’ is that one tends to own it, personalize it and get emotional about minor things. That then is my current situation with this town. I have a sense of ownership, get very personal and emotional about Doon, and hence this week’s story.

First a little flashback. Circa 1989, the chemistry class at St. Joseph’s was taught by a Mr. Tantra. Boys of all sizes, irrespective of muscle mass and father’s occupation, were in awe of this blue eyed Parsi gentleman of medium built. This was the time when hitting boys was a form of exercise for ‘masters’. Mr. Tantra however used his eyes to get the same affect.

This was also the time I started smoking. The little chai shop facing the school was Anuj’s discovery and our smoking hide out. Come 1:30 PM and a few of us will buy a cigarette each and blow rings in the air. Only Mr. Tantra; without our knowledge, was a tea lover and this was his favorite joint too. 

On the fateful day of 2nd March 1989, we finished with a board exam and hit our joint. The first smoke ring had barely touched the roof when Mr. Tantra ordered his tea, and saw the three of us with the instruments of manhood (cigarettes, I mean) in our hands. He sat next to us, while we froze and dropped the smokes. He said nothing. Well at least for the first minute or so. The words that followed went through us like knives …”Can you please take your blazers and ties off please. I don’t want people to know you come from St. Joseph’s”. He then left; his half empty glass of tea still on the table.

I recently stopped a young boy driving on the wrong side of the road and by the power of my prematurely grey hair assumed that a lesson in civic behavior is warranted. “Can you please take your bike the other way” I said, “this is DehraDun, and lets keep it nice”. The boy very politely said “Why don’t you mind your business” and rode off ,still on the wrong side. 

My eyes clearly are neither blue nor effective, but if you know where Mr. Tantra is, can you please tell him that a town; and not just a school, needs him back.

 

 

 

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com