Culture Vulture OR Vulture Culture?

Some weeks ago when we wrote about the deteriorating culture in DehraDun, we had no idea that it would stick to so many people (Ref:Open letter to CM and MC). At, at least 2 different places; people picked up a conversation with me about my critical comments on certain people who are contributing to the ‘Muzzafarnagar-isation’ of Doon. The mention below is about one of those ‘interesting’ conversations.

The conversation started in the usual cordial tone of “Oh! I read your article, and liked it”, it then went into “but, I think you are stereo-typing people” and went on to “how can you call one culture better than the other?”

Well, I don’t. I can only compare cultures and leave the judgment to whoever cares to make one.

The last entire century was lead by dogmatic leaders who changed the world forever. Germans are better than Jews…Capitalism is better than communism…White is better than black…I can plunder your country’s oil, but you can’t…My religion is better than yours…Etc. (usually absolutely extreme ends) We saw so much of X is better than Y and the conflict arising out of it, that all discussion about comparisons slowly stopped (other than in closed rooms) and the world started to say what is always ‘politically correct’. It became so important to not get into conflict, that we stopped calling ‘a spade, a spade’. All this under the guise of ‘different people and cultures work differently and what is true for one may not be true for another”…so “all cultures are equal and should co-exist”. So far so good…not that conflict completely ceased.

Coming back to the conversation with this gentleman; I asked “Do you think that all people are equal?”

“Yes, of course” he replied.

“Do you think one culture is better than the other?”

“No, I think all cultures have their own ways and that those ways are not better or worse, just different”

“Do you think there might be ways by which one culture can be called better than the other?”

“No, no again…cultures are different, not better or worse; just different”

“Do you think a culture that generally respects women may be better than a culture that doesn’t?”

“Well…”

“Do you think a usually compassionate culture is better than a usually violent culture?”

“Well…”

“Do you think Dehradun’s culture is better than some other places around Dehradun?”

“Well…”

To people who have chosen to make DehraDun their home …”Guys; please be nice to your
town…this is the only one we have!”

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Too ‘Animal’ , or not to ‘Animal’; that…

Gauri Maulekhi is passionate about animal rights. Major Amit Salathia is a ‘Shaurya Chakra’ and is equally passionate about soldiering. Before I tell you about what happened and the narrative, lets discuss the difference between a ‘debate’ and a ‘discussion’. In a debate, people usually choose opposite ends and defend their view point, in an attempt to win. Usually even a ‘debatable’ topic has enough meat on both ends, hence the debate. In a discussion, people are open to newer view points and hence both sides have a chance of ‘winning’.

The debate started over Gauri addressing the use of a certain kind of snake for training commandos. Amit explained why it is done and how it is important for commandos to learn to survive in adverse and wild conditions. Gauri explained further how certain species are dying and have to be saved. Amit replied by citing examples from his own experience on surviving for days without civilized food. Both were right (like in debates). Both are passionate.

The debate and we took a break when tea arrived and Gauri got a call on her mobile. By this time they had already spent about 15 minutes on the agenda and this break in proceedings was welcome to everybody else in the audience, including the staff of my office. By this time (I think) both of them had also realized that it wasn’t going anywhere. I could judge that by the “this person is impossible” look each gave me. They both were.

Out of sheer courtesy (I guess) and out of exhaustion, they both fell silent and started sipping the strong brew. Once the caffeine settled, Amit said “I understand your concern for animals, but we need to find a middle path…how do you think we can save animals and not compromise the training”. Gauri then explained how some humane and less hurtful ways can be used, whilst
understanding Amit’s viewpoint. Suddenly the whole room was brighter and the ‘debate’ had turned into a ‘discussion’.

I’m not sure what happened after that but it was obvious that both of them went away wiser about each other’s areas.

Gauri; by the way, was at my office discussing how we can support People for Animals’ new state level umbrella organization. The one that gets launched on the 20th of November. She has been working very hard, like many of her colleuges , for years to fight for and advocate animal rights. The organisation was instumental in getting some action done around animal sacrifice,that is
widely prevelent in our state, as also runs a hospital and shelter for animals at Tapovan , near Raipur. As I write, they have 130 animals, including dogs, bulls, monkeys, goats, and hens, cows …That’s a lot to take care of and between her and her equally devoted colleagues.

If you’d like to support them, please visit www.pfauttarakhand.org .

Till next week.

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

SPECIAL CHILDREN, SPECIAL DAY

Hope you had a great time at Diwali. And I do hope that you kept my advice in mind during the celebrations! I want to thank everyone who wrote back to say that they have decided to have a eco-friendly Diwali from now on. A lot of people write to me, sharing their experiences and asking questions about various challenges they face. I believe we have a great forum now where we have created dialogue, raised issues and spread awareness on these crucial topics. The truth is most of us are going through similar challenges, all we need is to become thinking and acting people. Kudos to everyone who has decided to get up and get moving. I feel grateful and blessed that what I sent out has now multiplied. Now that more of us are taking this journey, more people are going to join us on the way. And our destination is to be good and better parents. After all, what is more important to us as parents than the well-being of our children? It's the 14^th of November and as our country celebrates Children's Day, what is the greatest gift that we can give our children today? Since many years, this day is being celebrated to commemorate Pt. Nehru's love for children. Why don't we use this day to recommit ourselves to our responsibility as parents?

All of us come into the role of a parent as a beginner; it's difficult to know exactly how to do it. Children do not arrive with packaged instructions and help manuals (I wish they did!). When we don't know what to do, we often do what is done to us. Remember, most of us had parents who were neither always bad nor always good. They had their limitations as we have ours. Reinvent yourself into being the parent you wish your parents had been. What we are going to need most on this journey are love and courage. I once believed that courage is an absence of fear, but I now know that really, courage is the abandonment of fear in the name of love. The only thing more powerful then fear is love, and the most powerful love is the love we have for our children. See, doesn't that make things easier?

Let's start with belief in our own abilities and skills. I feel that even if God did not send us an instruction manual, he gave us the wherewithal, the right feelings and abilities to be a parent. We just have to believe we have them. Now if you have armed yourself with this belief and confidence, I am going to take you through a step-by-step journey in good parenting. I will elaborate on each of the following steps as we go further each week.

Step One is to Look in the mirror. Reinforce the positives and reverse the negatives in yourself and your child. Teach your child by your own positive example. Keep changing until you are proud of what you see in the mirror.

Step Two is to Take the journey. Reclaim your primary role as a parent and teacher of your child. Learn the power of example. Make yourself a worthy parent.

Step Three is to Take the time. Discover the individuality of your child, which will need time and patience. Then learn how to encourage and motivate your child in his personal physical, intellectual and spiritual quests.

Step Four is to Be the guide. Inspire your child to be self-reliant. It's a difficult road to travel, but stay focused and believe.

Step Five is to Build trust. Trust your children and teach them the importance and challenge of choices, the importance of rules, and individual and collective responsibility.

Step Six is to Show the way. Emphasize the value of work as a way to achieve goals. Teach them how to set goals. Through example, teach them about the miraculous power of effort and joy in work.

Step Seven is to Have faith. Show them you believe they are capable. Teach them to be responsible for their own work, and how to get the help they need to fulfill that responsibility.

Step Eight is to Take the lead. Accept the fact that parents must monitor who and what is influencing their children. Learn how to curb to negative influence of media, peer pressure, etc.

Step Nine is to Find the good. Learn and teach the true definition of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence and how self-discipline leads to all these.

Step Ten is to Be a Beginner. Learn about true lifelong learning. Get a better understanding of how you learn, and how your willingness and openness to learning teaches your child to do the same.

There are many paths we can follow, many choices we can make, and many successes we can achieve. But none will ever present as great an opportunity for a significant contribution to this world as the singular accomplishment of raising a good child. Surely no task is more challenging, more far reaching in its potential to influence future generations. Martha Kinney once wrote, “I am a reflection of my past generations and the essence of those following after me.”

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

“Om Jai Jagdish” and a Happy Diwali

Belated Happy Diwali Guys. Trust you had fun and the hangovers are over; and thanks, I had an interesting Diwali too.

‘Interesting’ is actually an understatement. It was more like, hmmm…, what’s the word, educating; I guess. This was our first Diwali in DehraDun after almost two decades and frankly; we had almost forgotten the way it works. Also, I haven’t made as many blunders (in the ‘social’ way) in a span of 3 days, as around this Diwali and am now confident of not repeating my mistakes.

Blunder number one… I didn’t realize that I had to reply to each ‘mass-sent’ SMS , with a ‘Thank You Dear…We wish you a Happy Diwali too’, neither did I send any. The logic was simple. We meet our friends and relatives often enough, and they deserve more than an SMS. I call this a blunder, because after Diwali I bumped into people who actually asked me why I didn’t reply. I wanted to say, “But you forwarded the same message that Himanshu had sent to Amit and others, who forwarded it to Nisha and others, who mass forwarded the same message to her entire address book.” How do I know? Well, ‘Diwali’ was spelt ‘Diwoli’ in the last line of the message; and I got the same message from Himanshu and Amit and Nisha and maybe seven other people on the same day, only sequentially. Lesson learnt: Always send mass messages. People know you are mass mailing, but at least they know that they are on your address
book.

Blunder number two…I did not buy economical gifts for everyone I know. Its only when people that you rarely meet; come home with a gift wrapped box of ‘Haldiram’s Namkeen’, that you realize; they not just exist but also remember you. The guilt is immediate. I mean as soon as you see them at the door with something in their hand…you know that the gesture will have to be reciprocated. That of course after checking the exact value of the Namkeens.

Blunder number three…I didn’t have a picture of Goddess Laxmi , Lord Ganesh, Lord Ram, Lord Krishan, Goddess Kali, Lord Kubera, Lord Hanuman, Lord Dhanvantri, Lord Yama, King Bali, or any of the other dieties to be remembered during ‘puja’ at home. This meant that the puja had to be outsourced to our dear neighbours. Mrs, and Mr. Malhotra were kind to let us sit through their puja, but did raise an eyebrow when I couldn’t sing the entire aarti with them. I had no excuse. As a person born in a Hindu family, the least one expects to know, is “Om Jai Jagdish”.

I know; none of the blunders above deserve forgiveness. I also know that the prices of even economical gifts go up every year, so here’s my plan.

For the SMS blunder: I will start sending “Happy Diwali” to my entire address book a week before next diwali, so no body can accuse me of copying the original SMS.

For the economical gifts blunders: Some that we received this year will last till the next. The rest we plan to buy.

For the puja blunder: Mrs. and Mr. Malhotra have agreed to continue living in our colony and be our neighbours.

“Om Jai Jagdish” and a very Happy Diwali. This, by the way; is for the one next year. In advance!

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Sundays Around Doon - Diwali

First off, let me wish you all a very joyous and glowing Deepavali. I wish this Deepavali brings not just material prosperity to us all, but brings more generosity so that we can share our abundance with others. That’s downright being selfish, if you know what I mean; well, happiness grows by sharing, so why not share and grow our happiness!!

If I start talking about and suggesting you where to go this weekend, what with all of the weekend full with ‘festivals’, I’m going to get spammed with hate mails and choicest abuses of which only Doonites are capable of (there’s an earlier article referring to them in Full Plate). So that takes care of the weekend stuff. But still, I’m supposed to write some ‘meaningful’ stuff up to a ‘certain’ length every week or so. That leaves me caring for what to write.

Infact, all my mind’s full of is the row of festivals coming. And I’m already beginning to feel good, so I hope are all of us. After all, its our Major ‘tyohar’. And anyway, shopping, celebrations, happy faces all around and meeting up people always fill up my being with just such a glow as Elizabeth Gilbert describes in her book ‘Eat,Pray,Love’. I bet even she hasn’t tasted the glow of celebrating Deepavali.

Every weekend we travel to someplace that brings us happiness and joy, adventure and fun. This week, I propose we take happiness and joy, and travel around with it. But be careful, happiness is very contagious, so spread it with caution. As you take it with you around the city meeting and greeting family, relatives, friends and people, it’s going to infect them as well, and before you know, you would be surrounded by a massive all round feeling of happiness, the only kind that bring such a glow to your being that lights up a lifetime.

Let’s travel with peace, abundance and tolerance as well. They are in short supply, and if you can spread them around, everyone will thank you.

As in this world full of capitalism, there are ‘fake’ happinesses to be found too. They are sold in the market in bright shiny packages, and promise you unbelievable ‘glows’. But this Deepavali, stay away from such fake promises of ‘happiness’. Don’t fall in for expensive over displays of lighting. They will only shoot up your electricity bill, and their glow will last but a while. Follow the traditional practice of glowing ‘diyas’ full of colour and cleaning up your air. And let’s stay as far away as possible from those things that produce a lot of noise and boom, but bring a monthful of gloomy skies and polluted air to the city.

And let’s remember, there are thousands in our state who just a short while back faced the worst trauma of their lives, losing their homes and families. Let us also be sensitive to them, and while celebrating our joy, pledge to share a little of our ‘abundance’ with them, and help them in their crisis.

Enjoy a ‘glowing’ Deepavali.

Him Ahuja is an avid traveler and runs a travel blog named http://allhimalaya.com

'LIGHT' UP THE WORLD

Diwali is here again! It's festivities, fun, food, firecrackers and fireworks all around! People are gearing up for a 'rocking' Diwali once again ,and what better way to do it than burst firecrackers and organize displays of fireworks. The bigger the better, of course! Is there anything that bothers you about this picture? What can we add or take away from the above that could make this Diwali better than others? I can see light dawning and heads nodding! That's a good sign, but what next? Hmm?

Why am I writing about this? Because this is a very, very important responsibility as a parent. There is something quite awry about our sense of fun today. We have now begun to associate festival time with buying and spending, no holds barred, the most expensive things we can afford, somehow confusing abundance with affluence, mistaking prosperity with a opulence, a sense of competition to outdo others with our festivities, pomp and celebrations. We buy gold, jewellery, land, houses, shops, offices, bigger cars, things we need, and more things we do not need, just to 'feel good' about our spending power. We are filling up our lives, our houses, our minds and even our relationships with THINGS! We want to give 'the best' to our children but the best is not about values or morals anymore, it is about big, beautiful, expensive things! Is that really the best we can give our children? Instead of mindless spending, could we not teach them love, compassion, giving, service and charity this Diwali? All the abundance in our lives is God's grace, could we not share it this time with the lesser fortunate? We have so much, sharing it with others is only going to multiply it, because the Law of Giving directly sets the Law of Abundance and Prosperity in motion. You may have read Ajay's write-up on this subject.

Whatever I have learned and seen so far tells me that we are the custodians of our earthly wealth and things while we are on this planet. We need to be good stewards of it, take care of it, use it wisely, not be wasteful but thrifty, and most importantly, give as freely as we have been given. The only thing that stops God from sending anything our way is our own miserliness or selfishness. If you really want to 'feel good', there is nothing like the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you give, which does not diminish as soon as all the crackers burn out. What better Diwali gift to our children than teaching them these important laws through our own examples?

What can we do practically about this? Make small trips with the children during these days, giving money, new clothes and shoes, essential items to people who live in orphanages, old age homes or destitutes. Sponsor a year's education for a child/children with the money you were going to spend on the infamous 10,000 chain-bombs or other expensive firecrackers! The money that you have planned to spend/ lose in Diwali parties or posh celebrations, you could send a draft through various organizations to so many areas hit with natural calamities or political warfare, like the remote areas of Uttarakhand, Ladakh, Kashmir, maoist areas around the country,...the possibilities are endless. Talk to the children about all this, make them aware and then ask them if they would like to give away their Diwali funds for these causes. I can assure you of the overwhelming response of a child's loving, giving heart! Let this year's Diwali budget work for the greater good of so many more families than just yours.

The other aspect of Diwali celebrations is the use of fireworks, and no celebrations are considered complete without burning up hundreds and thousands of them! But not enough can be said about the extremely harmful effects of this on our health and the environment at large. These are both safety and health hazards. I cannot possibly mention all the health-related problems here, but a few prominent ones are hearing loss, high blood pressure, deafness, heart attacks, nausea, mental impairment, asthma, bronchitis, etc. My older son, who is now almost ten, since the age of 2 or 3, has been working continually to educate first us, then his classmates and people he meets, about how harmful firecrackers are for us, our surroundings and consequently, our whole world. He talks about how children who are made to work illegally in factories that make firecrackers, not only suffer child labour, but chronic and irreversible diseases! How can we, as parents, allow this gross suffering and inhuman behaviour to continue with other children? The only way we can help this is by breaking off the demand chain, the supply will have to go down as well. These small children are also a part of our greater responsibility.

Decreased visibility due to smog leads to so many accidents every year. The loud and sudden noises are very traumatic for small babies, the sick and dying, and older people. Even animals suffer on account of firecrackers as they have a more sensitive sense of hearing than humans. Have we as a society, completely lost our compassion and humaneness? Is our fun more important than the well-being and lives of others? I certainly hope not. Even the government of India has banned firecrackers between 10 pm and 6 am, from Dushehra to Diwali, observing that the ‘Right to Sleep’ is a fundamental right. The Central Pollution Board of India has banned firecrackers with a decibel level of more than 125 at a distance of 4 meters from the bursting point. Even the authorities that we blame are making efforts to reduce this nuisance, why can't we? After all, is this not our family, our neighbourhood, our society, our planet, our world?

The sanctity of Diwali should not be blown away in smoke. Diwali is a festival of lights, let us not turn it into a festival of noise and fire. Insead, let us teach our children to celebrate with lighting up our houses and neighbourhood, not in expensive ways, but with 'diyas' and candles. Get them to help with the spring-cleaning, getting rid of the unnecessary stuff, decorating the house, painting 'rangolis', preparing for the 'pooja', helping with making festival sweets, wrapping up small gifts for friends and family, 'making up' with neglected or estranged ones, making colourful greeting cards, etc. All this will not only help them to learn about the true spirit of Diwali, but they will also be able to think of 'fun' in other ways than just bursting firecrackers. At our Centre, last Diwali we made the children aware about these various aspects, and it was so heartening to see that a majority of the children, even as young as 4 years of age, undertook a pledge to have a safe, environment-friendly Diwali. They also took on the responsibility to educate their friends and family about all these issues, and these special children earned very special certificates for their endeavours! It was very interesting to see that it was the parents who had more of a problem with having a fireworks-free Diwali! (Sorry, parents!)

What then is our responsibility this Diwali? Let us turn Diwali back into a festival of lights, victory, prayer, giving, sharing, joy, happiness, goodwill, sanctity, safety, freshness, laughter and fun! And don't forget, good parenting! All these good things which come out of loving hearts and open minds. All the things that all the money and opulence in the world cannot buy. Let us pray at this time for ourselves, our loved ones and the entire planet. Let us all reclaim Diwali for what it signifies – light, hope and fresh beginnings. All the blessings of love, light, happiness and abundance are on their way to you in a fresh new way this year. HAVE A BRILLIANT DIWALI!

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

A 'story' in reply to an email

The response to our last week’s article (Ye Shahar Kiska Hai?) has been heartwarming. Not just in terms of the number of responses we got, but also about what people wrote. Thanks a lot DehraDun for believing that something can be done to avoid further defacement of this town. I also got a very interesting comment from a lady; and I quote from her mail …“there are many before you guys that have tried and failed to improve this town. You guys just write in a ‘classified paper’. This town is run by people that don’t care about the place anymore. Believe me! Nothing will change”.

I’m not sure.

My first reaction was to write back to the lady and advocate a more positive outlook. But then again, maybe she is just voicing what a lot of us feel. Her truth is as ‘true’ as ours. The following words are not mine. I have used the story below a hundred times in my training classes and haven’t been able to write a better one that says the same thing. So to whoever wrote this (and do let me know if you find out)… the story still inspires us. Maybe it would help a few others. Here it is.

‘The Starfish Story’ by Anonymous

One morning, I went out for my daily sunrise walk on the beach. Off in the distance, I could see someone pick something up off the beach, walk a little way into the ocean, and then toss the object into the water.

Then, the person, who appeared to be a small boy, picked up another object and tossed it also into the sea. He continued to do this as I walked. As I approached, I saw that he was picking up starfish. I stopped and asked him why he was doing this. The boy explained that the starfish were stranded and that in another hour or two they would dry up and die. He was saving their lives.

The innocence of youth, I thought. I told him that there were thousands of starfish on the beach, and he couldn't possibly make a difference. The kid stopped and looked down, as if to study the water that washed over our bare feet. Then he walked over and picked up another starfish, walked into the sea and tossed it in.

"Sir," he said, "It made a difference for that one."

End of Story.

The question to really ask is; “Yeh Shahar Kiska Hai?” and maybe
the answer to that, has some solutions for our town.

Till next week…have a great buildup to Diwali.

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com