Dehradun Full Plate: To forgive or knot

It’s the climax scene: after making life miserable for the hero and his clan for the entire movie, the villain has been decidedly beaten at his own game. The hero has the sword/ gun/knife at the villain’s throat, but there is something stopping him from vanquishing the devil. The camera zooms in on the villain and then to the anger in the hero’s eyes; we see the turmoil he’s in. Suddenly the music changes - the hero has made his decision. The sword/gun/knife falls to the ground, the ‘baddie’ is forgiven for a lifetime of trouble-making, turns around to meet the wife/ girlfriend/mother only to be stabbed/shot by the villain....

As I was growing up, this is how I understood ‘forgiveness’.... something akin to ‘foolishness’. This was the conditioning that I picked up from not just the movies, but also explicit and implicit communication from society. All this communication, not only implied that forgiving was imprudent, but also confused ‘forgiveness’ with ‘trust’. You see, the hero could have forgiven the villain, but still not trusted him with the sword/gun/ knife.

As a pranic healer, I have seen, not one or two, but umpteen people with physical, emotional, spiritual, relationship and financial (yes! financial) troubles that stem from their inability and/or denial to forgive. One of the first things that we are taught, is the amazing ability of forgiveness to heal the body and the mind. We are also taught that forgiveness is of two kinds - internal and external. Internal forgiveness implies forgiving and letting go from your inner being; and this kind is for everyone. External forgiveness, on the other hand, implies that the ‘forgiven’ knows that he has been forgiven. Whether the other person knows that he has been forgiven, is a ‘trust’ decision; one that you need to take with prudence.
Simply put, forgiving is not something you do when you’re feeling magnanimous, but a decision that you take in your own interest.

Here’s what happens in energy terms: When ‘A’ holds a grudge against ‘B’, a cord binds ‘A&B’ in a relationship that saps both of them. This sapping relationship, if not released in time, often leads to problems for both ‘A’ and ‘B’. The good part is, this cord can be released from either side, ‘A’ forgiving ‘B’, or ‘B’ asking for forgiveness from ‘A’.

So here is an exercise that I strongly recommend to everyone for a healthy and peaceful life. Every night, yes every night, just as you are getting ready to sleep, make two lists. First, of ALL the people you think you could have hurt, knowingly or unknowingly, verbally, physically, financially or in any other way, and the second, of all the people who have hurt you in any of these ways. Now, one by one, make a mental picture of each one on the lists. To every one from List 1, say - “I realise I have hurt you in _____ manner, and from the bottom of my heart I ask for forgiveness. Thank you”. And to everyone on List2 say, - “you have hurt me in ____ manner. I realise that you are as much a child of God, as I am. I choose to forgive you and let you go”. And yes, don’t forget to put your own name in both lists.

A simple exercise, with astonishingly profound results. Trust me! My own List 1 started with a single digit population and in a few months crossed a hundred. List 2, on the other hand started with a few hundred and is now down to a handful. In this waxing and waning of lists, the knots inside me got undone and I went through a wonderful healing process at all levels - physical, emotional and spiritual. Initially, it was tough - some people were especially tough to forgive. The exercise felt unreal, but with time, that changed, and so did I...

Ajay Mehta is