I swear, I ‘swear’! @#$%&%$#@!!!

DehraDun in the 70s (as I remember) in terms of its demographics; was divided into:

(1) Old Money, Rajpur Road/Dalanwala , Premier Padmini, English Accent, Bania/Punjabi/Anglo/Garhwali, Children at Doon/Welham, cousins at London.
(2) New Money, Race Course, Second Hand Premier Padmini, Punjabi Accent, Sikh/Punjabi/Bania, Children at ‘wherever we could pay and get in’, cousins in Canada.
(3) No Money, Pultan Bazaar/Moti Bazaar/Machi Bazaar, Third Hand ‘Vijay Super’ Scooter, mixed and unidentifiable accents , children at Mission School/Gandhi School/Sadhu Ram School (or any school with fees less than 7 Rs. a month), cousins at Patel Nagar /Prem Nagar/ Surnimal Bazaar.

Get the drift?

I proudly belonged to category 3 above.

Our family (I hear) was well to do before partition, somewhere in North West Frontier Province. That’s what we were told…but who knows? For all I know; my ancestors may be making up stories about their wealth back in “Mianwali” (now in Pakistan). I for one, never really saw any sign of either wealth, or people who were once wealthy.This could be judged by the frequency and choice of swear words used by the categories described above.

Category 1, frowned at the use of any form of abusive language and believed that all men are gents , and all women ladies… Ya, Ya!
Category 2, permitted only a few words, and that too; when one is at least a kilometer away from the ‘Gurudwara’ or out of audible ranges of the pictures of the Sikh gurus that adorned all shops and houses.

Category 3 (My set), was the most creative. I mean in the ‘swearing’ section. By the time a kid was 6, all the basic swear words, including names of choicest animals became part of a kid’s vocabulary. The preferred languages being Hindi and Punjabi. Kids of 13-14 were considered mature in the ‘swearing’ section and were expected to come up with their own creative phrases. The use and abuse of close relatives, body parts and references to lower castes were mandatory to be considered part of the ‘pack’. What fun! And what a shame…banned for a few
unfortunate ones like us.

You see, we went to the wrenched “English” schools on Rajpur Road, and had to pretend to be part of category 1 above. That was the way ‘good boys and girls’ behaved. How I missed being able to call the ‘bully of the mohalla’ anything other than by his first name. 12 years of missionary education, followed by 3 years of hospitality training, followed by 16 years of MNCs made me a completely useless man. Born a category 3, behaving like a category 1…how ridiculous.

This till I had a revelation some months ago. I swore loudly at a biker , who had cut me off. I swore in Hindi followed by Punjabi and English. The biker didn’t hear any of it …but I did. Heard it and felt it… The sudden rush of energy in the body. The ability to blow your fuse when you want and not bottle up. The ability to be creative about chopping somebody to the ground in your mind. What a wonderful art , and how ignorant have I been.

“No more” I said! No more pretence! I was born a category 3…My dad is a category 3, so are all my cousins, irrespective of their current financial positions…and belive me…we are a proud bunch.

And since that fateful day, I realized how a category 3 blood needs category 3 attitudes. No more the Category 1 gentleman, who would stare at you if you cut him off on the road. Oh come on, No Sir…try anything with me now and you will know I can swear …and I ‘swear’ too that. @#$%&!@#$.

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com