Hope you had a great time at Diwali. And I do hope that you kept my advice in mind during the celebrations! I want to thank everyone who wrote back to say that they have decided to have a eco-friendly Diwali from now on. A lot of people write to me, sharing their experiences and asking questions about various challenges they face. I believe we have a great forum now where we have created dialogue, raised issues and spread awareness on these crucial topics. The truth is most of us are going through similar challenges, all we need is to become thinking and acting people. Kudos to everyone who has decided to get up and get moving. I feel grateful and blessed that what I sent out has now multiplied. Now that more of us are taking this journey, more people are going to join us on the way. And our destination is to be good and better parents. After all, what is more important to us as parents than the well-being of our children? It's the 14th of November and as our country celebrates Children's Day, what is the greatest gift that we can give our children today? Since many years, this day is being celebrated to commemorate Pt. Nehru's love for children. Why don't we use this day to recommit ourselves to our responsibility as parents?
All of us come into the role of a parent as a beginner; it's difficult to know exactly how to do it. Children do not arrive with packaged instructions and help manuals (I wish they did!). When we don't know what to do, we often do what is done to us. Remember, most of us had parents who were neither always bad nor always good. They had their limitations as we have ours. Reinvent yourself into being the parent you wish your parents had been. What we are going to need most on this journey are love and courage. I once believed that courage is an absence of fear, but I now know that really, courage is the abandonment of fear in the name of love. The only thing more powerful then fear is love, and the most powerful love is the love we have for our children. See, doesn't that make things easier?
Let's start with belief in our own abilities and skills. I feel that even if God did not send us an instruction manual, he gave us the wherewithal, the right feelings and abilities to be a parent. We just have to believe we have them. Now if you have armed yourself with this belief and confidence, I am going to take you through a step-by-step journey in good parenting. I will elaborate on each of the following steps as we go further each week.
Step One is to Look in the mirror. Reinforce the positives and reverse the negatives in yourself and your child. Teach your child by your own positive example. Keep changing until you are proud of what you see in the mirror.
Step Two is to Take the journey. Reclaim your primary role as a parent and teacher of your child. Learn the power of example. Make yourself a worthy parent.
Step Three is to Take the time. Discover the individuality of your child, which will need time and patience. Then learn how to encourage and motivate your child in his personal physical, intellectual and spiritual quests.
Step Four is to Be the guide. Inspire your child to be self-reliant. It's a difficult road to travel, but stay focused and believe.
Step Five is to Build trust. Trust your children and teach them the importance and challenge of choices, the importance of rules, and individual and collective responsibility.
Step Six is to Show the way. Emphasize the value of work as a way to achieve goals. Teach them how to set goals. Through example, teach them about the miraculous power of effort and joy in work.
Step Seven is to Have faith. Show them you believe they are capable. Teach them to be responsible for their own work, and how to get the help they need to fulfill that responsibility.
Step Eight is to Take the lead. Accept the fact that parents must monitor who and what is influencing their children. Learn how to curb to negative influence of media, peer pressure, etc.
Step Nine is to Find the good. Learn and teach the true definition of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence and how self-discipline leads to all these.
Step Ten is to Be a Beginner. Learn about true lifelong learning. Get a better understanding of how you learn, and how your willingness and openness to learning teaches your child to do the same.
There are many paths we can follow, many choices we can make, and many successes we can achieve. But none will ever present as great an opportunity for a significant contribution to this world as the singular accomplishment of raising a good child. Surely no task is more challenging, more far reaching in its potential to influence future generations. Martha Kinney once wrote, “I am a reflection of my past generations and the essence of those following after me.”
HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
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