Being an achiever in academics is every parent's and child's goal these days. As I mentioned last time, this has created a sort of 'frenzy' or 'mania' among them, especially so when exam-time is at hand. But instead of inculcating the right study skills in their children right from the beginning, parents try to 'manage' and 'control' their children's studies and academic achievements. Children, thus, never feel that the responsibility is theirs, hence, they are never really able to enjoy the rewards of their accomplishments. The educational and school environment today are putting a lot of pressure on the children, to succeed, to achieve, to stay on top, be multi-tasking, disciplined, punctual, competitive, in short, it's all about winning, to be the 'best'! Some schools are known to even boast of the fact that their children study the curriculum a year ahead of their ages, so that they are always ahead of the others' of their age, as well as have that advantage of being a 'winner'! But do our children really understand the meaning or need of all these expectations? Are they motivated enough (if at all!) to be able to deliver on all these fronts?
I don't think so. In fact, that is the reason our children have lost interest in studying, being achievers, striving for excellence, setting goals, or even just plain good performance. Can you blame them? They are now being used as trophies that parents proudly hold up to all and sundry, their marks in their exams being their one only parameter of excellence! Children's marks have become the 'status symbol' of today's parents (being right up there with palatial houses, swank cars, diamonds, foreign trips, etc.)! But the sad part is that the children are being 'pushed' into this kind of competitive environment. They are not really provided with the necessary study skills to achieve all this, so they have to be controlled and managed all the time through endless after-school tuition classes, with no time for play, recreation or just plain old 'doing nothing'. The little free time they get, they just spend watching TV or playing computer games, mostly senseless activities, which do not provide their brains with any refreshment or rejuvenation. It becomes worse when exams are approaching, for then they are completely expected to immerse themselves in their books, only taking out time for eating or sleeping (I hope!). Even the parents, especially the mothers, put their lives completely on hold, I've seen to the extent of no phone-calls, meeting people, having guests over, cooking, etc.! Believe me, this is not an exaggeration.
This is so because children are either not trusted enough to be able to achieve good results on their own, or they have not been encouraged to develop the correct self-study habits, which will last them a lifetime, in whatever they choose to do. The parents feel that without their constant prodding and urging, the children will not be able to manage on their own. This may be true also, because these children do not really know how to. But it is not their fault. There are a few things we, as parents, can do which will help them to become responsible for their own studies and achievements, take control of their own schedules, and thus become independent.
Our aim is to instill in them a sense of purpose. This is because most children fail to understand the purpose of schooling and education, so they just try to pass the time between school and home, somehow willing it to end as soon and painlessly as possible! If they understand that the aim of study is character-building, and the goal is to be result-oriented, they will find a purpose in all these aimless activities that they are 'made' to do. Teachers, books and surroundings help, but in the final analysis, it is all up to the student. Children are capable of learning despite bad teachers, lack of books, difficult surroundings, etc. We do hear these stories often enoughof people who have achieved this. What sets these achievers apart from very other student is their sense of purpose. Students have to learn that they can only learn and perform well if they apply themselves daily. They have to be trained to take responsibility of their time and manage it well. Our job is not to sit with them and make them memorize the answers, our job is to inculcate in them the correct study, time management and personal habits. They will then achieve all this on their own and with flying colours.
First and foremost, we have to 'take the pressure off' created by our expectations of marks. Studying offers challenges in many ways. Marks may not always be a true indication of their progress in learning. It is very imporatnt that we stress on an overall, integrated development. Children enjoy challenges, but our unreasonable pressures drive them away for fear of failure and lack of enjoyment. Secondly, we have to stop comparing them to their classmates or their achievements. This completely demoralizes them and tells them that we have no value for them apart from their achievements and whether or not they are good enough. Instead, we can encourage them to set higher yet realistic personal goals and teach them the ways in which to achieve them. Help them to understand the difference between mediocrity and excellence, but also letting them know that success and failure are realtive, they can only be correnctly measured by the efforts and not only by the results. A very important thing is not to 'spoon-feed' the children, but to provide a supportive environment, conducive for self-study. I believe motivation firstly comes from principled parents, because success always has a moral and ethical side to it. To succeed, the child must want to do it and do it well. That is motivation. From the time they are toddlers, we will have to continually inspire, excite and encourage them to perform to the best of their abilities. Motivation and goal-setting are thus essential ingredients for a 'winning' child.
To reinforce their perfomance and behaviour, we have to help them to have good and healthy mental and emotional patterns. We can do this by planting words of encouragement, appreciation, praise and positive persuasion in them. These words will then blossom inside them and manifest through positive actions. They can be encouraged to read motivational texts and parts of the holy scriptures regularly, especially before they sleep, for the last thing that goes into them at bedtime will be the first thing on their minds in the morning. They can be taught how to effectively channelize their minds to positive thinking. Tell them they are loved, appreciated and trusted. They will succeed! They are winners! Filling them with purposeful words of conviction and belief in their abilities is guaranteed to bring results. For what we believe, we achieve. For your children to become 'true' and not 'forced' achievers, you will have to help them to inculcate good personal and healthy habits. These include right food, right sleep, right thought, right visual and audio intake, right actions, perseverance, planning, optimism, promptness, regularity, etc.
I would like to elaborate on all these in the next issue, the actual physical side of study, what it means and what it takes to teach and achieve all of the above. It will just need patience and consistency from us, but our children will eventually be true achievers and will excel in whatever they do. According to Aristotle, “Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
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