A young lama, smitten by the cricket bug!
bhumesh bharti
Friday, April 9, 2010
PARENTING- THE 'GRAND' WAY
Last week's topic has prompted my choice of this week's topic. I want to talk to grandparents about their role and responsibility in the bringing up of children. I do not want to sound presumptuous in trying to tell you anything, thus, the responsibility and 'behaviour' of grandparents mentioned here is just to remind and revive the wonderful relationships that grandparents have always shared with their precious grandchildren over centuries.
It is true that there is a special relationship between the 'grands'- parents and children. It is almost like a friendship between two 'equals'. There is a sharing of 'secrets'- stories of childhood and fairytales, promises of 'goodies', solutions to playground 'problems', problems with parents trying to discipline all the time, etc. This is a great 'bond', one which you can use both as an opportunity and a responsibility. An opportunity to be helpful and creative, maybe a chance to do what you missed with your own children, an opportunity to add value to the lives of others even at an older age, as also a means for your own growth. And a responsibility to be a teacher, to teach and pass on the timeless values of love, compassion, forgiveness, joy, courage, service, charity and countless others.
Parents also try to teach these age-old values, but you have a great advantage over them- of age, experience, more time on your hands, and above all, a better understanding of the child's needs and welfare. After all, it is not fair for the child to lose out on all these wonderful lessons on values and life because their parents lead such busy lives.
A lot of grandparents I come across are full of grouses about their family situation, their relationships with their children and their spouses, their biggest grouse being “nobody listens to me”. That may be the case, but you will find that almost everyone in your family has the same to say about each other! You feel that your children don't listen to you anymore, thus making you feel old and redundant. Your children feel that you act stubborn and do not want to accept the changes that have come with time. Their spouses feel that you are intolerant and critical of them and treat them as if they are not good enough. And the grandchildren..... can you see what they would be feeling, growing up amidst this kind of implicit, sometimes even explicit sense of rivalry?!
It is true that there is a special relationship between the 'grands'- parents and children. It is almost like a friendship between two 'equals'. There is a sharing of 'secrets'- stories of childhood and fairytales, promises of 'goodies', solutions to playground 'problems', problems with parents trying to discipline all the time, etc. This is a great 'bond', one which you can use both as an opportunity and a responsibility. An opportunity to be helpful and creative, maybe a chance to do what you missed with your own children, an opportunity to add value to the lives of others even at an older age, as also a means for your own growth. And a responsibility to be a teacher, to teach and pass on the timeless values of love, compassion, forgiveness, joy, courage, service, charity and countless others.
Parents also try to teach these age-old values, but you have a great advantage over them- of age, experience, more time on your hands, and above all, a better understanding of the child's needs and welfare. After all, it is not fair for the child to lose out on all these wonderful lessons on values and life because their parents lead such busy lives.
A lot of grandparents I come across are full of grouses about their family situation, their relationships with their children and their spouses, their biggest grouse being “nobody listens to me”. That may be the case, but you will find that almost everyone in your family has the same to say about each other! You feel that your children don't listen to you anymore, thus making you feel old and redundant. Your children feel that you act stubborn and do not want to accept the changes that have come with time. Their spouses feel that you are intolerant and critical of them and treat them as if they are not good enough. And the grandchildren..... can you see what they would be feeling, growing up amidst this kind of implicit, sometimes even explicit sense of rivalry?!
Now the onus of showing forgiveness, understanding and compassion falls on the older people. The whole world looks to their elders, in the family, in society, or in spiritual leadership, to display these qualities for the younger generation. And what better way to teach these values than to be a living example? It would be wonderful if you could see that you are already the owner of this kind of recognition, all you have to do is prove it by practicing it! If you would just extend yourselves a little, you'll see that your family is waiting, looking to you for the 'loving hand' as also a 'timely rebuke.'
Having settled that (I hope!), I believe that grandparents can make the finest teachers children could ever have. You have 'been there, done that', you have a genuine love and concern, you have a slower pace (a good quality for a teacher), and you have a practical knowledge of how values work in our lives. Growing up with values can help children to have wholesome personalities, and the lack of them can leave them without direction or purpose. They will always cherish your invaluable contribution in their lives.
This brings to mind an old adage, 'By the time the son realizes that his father was right, he already has a son who thinks he is wrong.' So when your children are trying to discipline your grandchildren, support them in their efforts, and talk to them in private in case of a difference of opinion. Only when a child sees consistency from all elders, will he/she adhere to it. For, even though it feels good when they run to you to 'rescue' them from their parents, it is not right to belittle their parents' authority.
A few other things you could do are: not to interfere when the child is being corrected, not to contradict or overrule commands, however strict or misplaced they may seem to you, not to let them watch television soaps with you, never compromise on their eating, sleeping, study or play time, never let them associate 'fun' with playing truant when parents are not around or keeping secrets from parents or disobedience, never giving them foods, toys, etc. which are bad for them, not giving in to tantrums or bad behaviour, and not criticizing their parents to them or in front of them. These few don'ts will go a long way towards good grandparenting. You may need to accept a few changes or 'update' yourselves, but your efforts will not go waste- many generations after you will benefit from what you pass on.
Juhi Mehta, the quintessenti
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'Sundays Around Doon -Sahastradhara
If the mercury keeps shooting at this rate, it will soon break all of Jaspal Rana's records. Not to forget, those of the State Government as well. The so called 'Urja Pradesh' has no electricity for its own self, after 1 billion US dollars and 1 lakh people displaced (source:Wikipedia) on its star project - Tehri Dam. The common man has spent his winters facing hours of daily power cut and is bracing up for a bigger onslaught of cuts this summer.
But, this piece is about getting the common man some relief from summer. And the star attraction in summers for us Doonites has been the one and only Sahastradhara. Though, Dehradun sports about a dozen 'Summer Relief' water spots, I'm hoping the summer would last long and I will wickedly get to write about all of them. Jokes apart, my earliest memory goes back to school days when we were made to walk all the way to Sahastradhara in the name of picnic. It sure would be hard to find a Doonite who hasn't visited Sahastradhara, and hasn't swam in the many man-made pools and bathed in the 'sulphur spring'.
Sahastradhara is about 15kms from Dehradun, easily approachable by road and boasts of lush green surroundings. Having developed fast, it has changed its shape drastically due to heavy tourist pressure. Sadly, the growth has been unplanned and the place does not boast of the natural beauty it once did. Its water is said to contain medicinal properties, and is said to be very effective for skin diseases. Once, the activity used to centre around its high waterfall and a few pools. Tourists used to go upstream for a private bath and picnic. Not so any longer, one has to do with the many pools there are. Or settle for many other attractions that have developed nearby.
So you can pick up your lunch baskets and swimming gear and head for Sahastradhara this Sunday, as the mercury goes up and up. Make sure you park in an authorised parking lot; there have been many cases of vehicle-theft. And do make sure you bathe in a clean area; upstream is a better idea. Just be cautious that you don't wander off too far away; specially if you are with family and ladies.
Very few people would know that there is a beautiful trek from Sahastradhara leading to Buraskhanda on the Mussoorie-Dhanaulti road, and another diversion that goes upto Suwakholi. The trek to Buraskhanda has a big waterfall on its way and goes through thick foliage sporting rich flora. But don't try this trek without a guide. One of the locals from the villages around ( Chamasari is one of the big villages there) who have been on the route can take you. Otherwise, there are high chances of your getting lost. Those with adventurous spirits can try the trek; the rest can cool their bodies and spirits in the thereapeutic waters of Sahastradhara. Have fun!
Doon ‘Light’ Infantry
Envy is a mild term. Mild because there are other; more suitable terms (like spiteful, green-eyed) to describe my current feeling towards Army Officers. Ok, let’s face it…I’m plain Jealous.
My friend DK , who commands a rather decorated unit in town, recently got posted, to a beautiful country in the southern hemisphere. His posting meant a farewell party, a band, booze as usual, some dancing and a lot of handshakes and ‘good byes for now’. This is what it meant to most people at the party. But no, not to me, no Sir…this is completely unacceptable. For unlike the current generation, to us passing school in the late 80s and early 90s, the army was not one of the many career options. It was one of the maybe 2, not counting sitting at your father’s shop (that wasn’t a career, it was plain bad luck!). So invariably, about 80% of the class would take the NDA exam, half would reach interviews and a quarter finally become officers. Two of my close friends are senior officers now. I always told my dad that I didn’t like the army. I lied.
The fact was that I was so worried about ‘Grammy Awards’ that I couldn’t even study to save my life. So whilst I have always considered my self ‘General material’, I’m sure even Generals went through a basic math test to get into the army. Well, I couldn’t. So after a couple of attempts at staring at objective type questions, and filling all ‘A’s on the first page and all ‘B’s on the second, I just gave up. Gave up, attempting to crack the NDA exam, not loving the army.
My last 16 years in HR, training and business experience has taught me the following lessons in our current context.
1. You can make all the money in the world, but you can’t live in the cantonment (usually the best part of any town). 2. Your ‘Hugo Boss’ tie cannot make people salute you. 3. Riding a bike on Rajpur Road may be dangerous, but is still not considered an adventure sport. Army gives you a full and free supply of real adventure.
I sometimes wonder why the army has a shortage of officers. Maybe because; they don’t have marketing managers like me. Jealous and green-eyed. By the way, if any of our readers is close to the President of India, may I request a favour? I’d like to raise a unit of officers who couldn’t crack the math exam, but love the army. We’ll call it the Doon ‘Light’ (in math) Infantry; or any other name the President likes. Anyone?
Vineet Panchhi ow
ns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com
ns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.comIts 5:15!
Please check the time by your watch, no matter what time your wrist watch shows, the time in Dehradun is 5:15. Really, the biggest and most majestic landmark of our town is always showing the same time and that is 5:15!! I am talking about our very own Clock Tower a.k.a. Ghanta Ghar. It's really disappointing to see that this architectural beauty is being neglected by the authorities. We keep reading that the renovation work is likely to start “very soon”, but how soon is something time will tell. Our clock tower is compared to three other such towers around the globe, namely, the Big Ben in London, the Spasskaya Tower in Moscow and the Rajabai Tower in Mumbai, but this is not motivating enough to get this most aesthetic piece of construction ticking once again. It was appalling to hear that some parts of the machinery have been stolen, that too from under the noses of the authorities!
I think it's high time the authorities should “outsource” the development work of the tower and the park surrounding it. If we ask some corporate houses to undertake this work for a suitable compensation, they would be more than happy to take the offer. Come on people, it's time for change, or should I say it's time to change the time!
Rishi Saluja is the Associate Editor for Dehradun Classified. He is a theatre enthusiast and can be reached on saluja@dehradunclassified.com
IN US, THROUGH US, FOR US
To understand your parents' love, you must raise children.
- Chinese Proverb
Growing up, I've had more than my share of strife and discord with my parents. There was always something they did not understand, something that they were stubborn about, or someone they loved more than me! So things often didn't work out between my mother and I, because she stood her ground and I did mine. And things got worse when I got married, because now not only her, I had one more mother to deal with! Gosh!! For many years now, I've felt this to be one of the greatest challenges of my life, so has my husband! Because parents, as you know, (mothers in particular!), never give up and never give in! If we are strong-minded, they, it seems, invented stubbornness and are the official know-it-alls! They know everything about children, parenting, clothes, cooking, cleaning, food, storage, walking, eating, sleeping, God, Nature, religion, rituals, people, good, bad, ugly, even the 'evil eye'! And of course, they always know what is good for them and no one dare tell them differently!
- Chinese Proverb
Growing up, I've had more than my share of strife and discord with my parents. There was always something they did not understand, something that they were stubborn about, or someone they loved more than me! So things often didn't work out between my mother and I, because she stood her ground and I did mine. And things got worse when I got married, because now not only her, I had one more mother to deal with! Gosh!! For many years now, I've felt this to be one of the greatest challenges of my life, so has my husband! Because parents, as you know, (mothers in particular!), never give up and never give in! If we are strong-minded, they, it seems, invented stubbornness and are the official know-it-alls! They know everything about children, parenting, clothes, cooking, cleaning, food, storage, walking, eating, sleeping, God, Nature, religion, rituals, people, good, bad, ugly, even the 'evil eye'! And of course, they always know what is good for them and no one dare tell them differently!
What is it about this that we are never able to figure out? This question baffled me for a long time, until the day I had my first baby. The minute I saw him and held him in my arms, I thought “Mamma, so this is how much you love me”. That day, at least one thing became clear to me, that whatever my mom or my husband's mom did, however irritating, wrong or illogical it seemed, they did it out of love for us. But how can love be like this? We love our children, and it's nothing like this! It makes it easier if we start from understanding that position of deep love and commitment they have for us, because in all these years of senseless co-existence with your parents, you must have come across innumerable moments of love, compassion, commitment, discipline, sacrifice, support, goodness, strength, character, all of which made sense sometimes! So what has happened to them now?
Well, let it suffice to say that when they were doing the parenting, we saw only that side of them most often, but now as grown-ups, we see sides of them that show us that they have their sets of flaws just like other human beings. Having aged, they have slowed down physically and mentally as well, and since then their set of worries has changed from worrying about us to their own problems like old age, health issues, finances, loneliness, non-acceptance, spiritual growth, etc., they now seem to us like a completely different set of people. Their old ways and habits give them a sense of security and continuity, they hold meaning for them in ever-changing times, so they hold on to them with great fervour, even sometimes to the extent of alienating everyone else. Mothers of sons find it especially difficult to let go of the 'one who would always support them and look after them'. This feeling of insecurity of losing this most important 'crutch' of their old age, this holding on, without their realizing it, turns into clinging and obsessive control. And when this control is questioned by their son or daughter-in-law, it further develops into an issue of prestige and importance.
I'm convinced that although not intentional, it is difficult for them to back off even when things around them start to become ugly or full of tension. Asad state of affairs, a reality nonetheless, but one which cannot be dealt with arguments, logic, reasoning, threats, non-communication or simply walking out of the house! For that is what they are always afraid of, and we would just be proving their reasoning right!
It is not always easy to take the 'high road' here and say that we understand so we will give in. It can be extremely stressful to deal with these situations on a daily, ongoing basis. But a few wonderful things in my life have taught me that 'I' can always be the one to take the first step. How much worse can it get, things can only become better from here on. Only when we start with ourselves, we can reassure them that we are also open to listening and understanding, and are not expecting only them to make all the changes. We have to assure them of our good intentions, never failing to mention what love and respect we have for them as parents and as people, trying to convince them that we will never leave them but will always do our duties happily, because we have seen them doing theirs for a long, long time.
I know it is an uphill task, and their efforts may not be equitable, but if our efforts are greater and always consistent, slowly they will come to realize that our intentions are good, we really do appreciate their value in our lives and that we will always honour them, as even God commands us to do. They will be able to let go of their insecurities and sometimes false pride, because only a loving and forgiving heart of ours will bring about loving and forgiveness in them. We cannot ignore or neglect our duties as children if we want to be great parents.
And what a beauty it is to watch the love our parents have for their grandchildren, because being our children, they are doubly precious to our parents! Never has there been a love greater than I have for my children, neither has there been a love greater than my parents' love for me!
Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'Super kids deserve a ‘super-brain’.
Did I ever mention that I take Yoga and mindfulness training for children? From what I see at the center, and even outside, one of the biggest challenges facing parents of 3-6 year olds is that of hyperactivity and small attention spans. TV (please notice I did not say ‘too-much-TV’), late-nights, junk food..... I won’t go into the entire set of contributing factors.... Juhi does a much better job of doing that!
Here’s a simple exercise that has shown amazing results with ALL school children, including children with ADHD/ADD, developmental and cognitive delays, Down’s syndrome and specific learning disabilities.
Using principles of energy dynamics and acupressure points, ‘Super-brain yoga’ will shift the excess energy in a way that it actually goes to energise the brain.
Step 1: Face east. Keep your feet shoulder width apart, back erect.
Step 2: Take your left hand and hold your right earlobe with your pointer finger and thumb. Make sure that the thumb is facing away from you. Remove any jewellery before proceeding.
Step 3: Take your right hand and hold your left earlobe with your pointer finger and thumb. Once again, make sure that your thumb is facing away from you, and remove any jewellery from this ear as well.
Step 4: Continue to hold your lobes as you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
Step 5: Inhale through your nose and slowly squat down to the ground. Keeping your elbows up helps to keep your back straight.
Step 6: Hold your breath and do not exhale until you start making your way back up to a standing position. Continue holding your lobes and sticking your tongue to the roof of your mouth as you perform this move.
Repeat this action 6 more times, for a total of 7. You may not notice a change immediately, but after a few weeks an improvement in concentration should become apparent.
Sadly, a much deformed version of this has taken root in our minds as a ‘punishment’, so initially if we as parents do these steps with the children, it helps to remove these notions.
A few words of caution: This is a powerful exercise; please do it for no more than 7 cycles in a day. Also, please do not do this exercise during the menstrual cycle or in case of urinary tract infections.
Ajay Mehta is
a print designer, an Advanced Pranic Healer and a ‘spiritual’ seeker. He can be reached at ajaxmehta@gmail.com
a print designer, an Advanced Pranic Healer and a ‘spiritual’ seeker. He can be reached at ajaxmehta@gmail.comHeaven and a Lichee Tree.
I was traveling the whole of last week. Delhi, Gurgaon, Noida; mostly, trying to meet Radio Stations and seeking business. This used to be home last year. When living in Gurgaon and working in Delhi, my usual travel time was an hour and a half, one way. ‘Normal’ when one calls Delhi/Gurgaon home. Not at all ‘normal’; when one moves to Dehra Dun.
Let’s first define normal. Normal technically (in statistics and probability theory), means that out of a number of outcomes of an event, a large number are around the ‘mean’, called the normal curve, or just ‘normal’.
So, it ‘normally’ takes 1.5 hours from Gurgaon to Okhla. There is ‘normally’ a traffic Jam at Dhaula Kuan. There ‘normally’ are very aggressive drivers on the road. It is ‘normal’ for your blood pressure to go beyond 140/90 by the time you reach any place. It is ‘normal’ to ask friends if they have time to meet and ‘normal’ for them to reply “not this week, dude”. It is ‘normal’ to meet in a restaurant ‘mid-way’ and spend 300 rupees on a 30 ml of whisky, instead of inviting people home. It is ‘normal’ to lie to relatives “ Oh! I couldn’t come to Delhi this week”, just in case they invite you for a meal and you have to go through 1.5 hours of traffic, a jam at Dhaula Kuan and aggressive drivers, to have buaji’s Rajma Chawal. Its ‘normal’.
My office in DehraDun is 5 minutes from my home. Friends don’t ask me if I am free anymore, they just pick me up on their way home. I end up first reaching a relative’s house and then asking for Rajma Chawal.
The ‘normal’ curve in Dehra Dun is a little different. So whenever you feel that Dehra Dun isn’t the place to live anymore, I suggest a quick trip to Delhi via Noida and on to Gurgaon. It would tell you what heaven looks like. And oh! by the way, the Lichee tree in our lawn just had its first ‘baur’.
Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com
ns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com
Wonderful Buddy
How many of us own pets? How many of us own pets that are ageing? I am someone who falls in both the categories, and I must say that I am a worried soul. One, as all of us would agree, at the thought of losing a pet, in my case my 12 year old boxer ‘Buddy’, and the second one which just occured to me a few days back, what does one do with the ‘body’ after the demise? I am sure you would want to pay some respect to your pet, who has accompanied you for the last so many years. You wouldn’t want to just dump him in some vacant plot or just get rid of him by throwing him in some water body!! At least I would not want to do that! Don’t you think there should be some designated place to perform the last rites of your dear pet, some place which is away from the crowd, some place which is guarded; some place where he can rest in peace? I happened to see a programme on television, where they were talking about a burial ground in Pune, which has specially been made for pets. I am sure if Pune can manage it, so can Dehradun. I wish someone would empathize with me and help me and so many people like me with this noble cause. Any takers?
Rishi Saluja is the Associate Editor for Dehradun Classified. He is a theatre enthusiast and can be reached on saluja@dehradunclassified.comAGGRESSION – A REAL THREAT
Far too many of our little children are becoming frustrated, then angry, and in their state of rage the lovable teddy is not safe, toys are thrown around, they make their bodies stiff and unyielding, not to mention even throwing themselves to the ground. Their aggressive behaviour controls their daily play, and is disruptive to friends and family. Why? Because the inputs that they are getting from all around are so full of violence and aggression, they are bound to emulate these patterns sooner or later. Aggression in our children, in society even, has reached alarming proportions, and it is one of the greatest causes of worry for me as a parent. I'm sure it's the same for you.
Growing up, I so often heard that 'our eyes are our window to the outside world'. I would say it holds true for all our senses. What we take in from the outside is bound to remain in us and eventually we will give out what is stored inside. Isn't that what the three famous monkeys of Gandhiji try to depict? As children we were always asked to see good, say good, hear good, do good, and be good. In other words, stay away from 'bad' influences so we may not become 'bad' also. It was a simple philosophy and really worked too. But nowadays, rules have become flexible, control has been compromised and we are trying to be 'cool' parents. Nevertheless, 'cool' or not, aggression is a real cause for worry and most of us don't know how to handle it. So, what is bringing about this behaviour trend? I would say 'toys', 'TV', and 'gizmos' are the primary reasons for this.
Take for example, 'toys'. More than enough has been written about the importance of play in childhood and toys are an integral part of a child's play. But what are children playing with? Guns, swords, 'Jedi' sabres, toys of combat like soldiers, tanks, warplanes, exposing children to concepts of warfare, where killing and hurting are just a game. 'Spiderman', 'Superman', 'Power Rangers', they are all saving the world from imaginary dangers, and planting imaginations of violence in our children. These toys are in great demand (even to obsessive levels!), a child would go through endless tantrums to get them, and eventually, our children are learning their values from action-figures and violent heroes! Even the princes of fairy tales have to kill a few ogres and bad men to reach the princess, and girls are subscribing to these kinds of subliminal 'killing-is-justified' messages, even as boys are worshipping action heroes. Playtime with toys among children has become more about 'grabbing' than 'sharing'. Children who do not have such toys are looked down on and jeered at by other kids, thus creating immense peer pressure to want and own such toys. Toys are not more child-friendly any more, they are just a reflection of the underlying violence, fear, aggression and anger in society, and children, without our realizing it, are picking up these signals and 'transmitting' them.
Growing up, I so often heard that 'our eyes are our window to the outside world'. I would say it holds true for all our senses. What we take in from the outside is bound to remain in us and eventually we will give out what is stored inside. Isn't that what the three famous monkeys of Gandhiji try to depict? As children we were always asked to see good, say good, hear good, do good, and be good. In other words, stay away from 'bad' influences so we may not become 'bad' also. It was a simple philosophy and really worked too. But nowadays, rules have become flexible, control has been compromised and we are trying to be 'cool' parents. Nevertheless, 'cool' or not, aggression is a real cause for worry and most of us don't know how to handle it. So, what is bringing about this behaviour trend? I would say 'toys', 'TV', and 'gizmos' are the primary reasons for this.
Take for example, 'toys'. More than enough has been written about the importance of play in childhood and toys are an integral part of a child's play. But what are children playing with? Guns, swords, 'Jedi' sabres, toys of combat like soldiers, tanks, warplanes, exposing children to concepts of warfare, where killing and hurting are just a game. 'Spiderman', 'Superman', 'Power Rangers', they are all saving the world from imaginary dangers, and planting imaginations of violence in our children. These toys are in great demand (even to obsessive levels!), a child would go through endless tantrums to get them, and eventually, our children are learning their values from action-figures and violent heroes! Even the princes of fairy tales have to kill a few ogres and bad men to reach the princess, and girls are subscribing to these kinds of subliminal 'killing-is-justified' messages, even as boys are worshipping action heroes. Playtime with toys among children has become more about 'grabbing' than 'sharing'. Children who do not have such toys are looked down on and jeered at by other kids, thus creating immense peer pressure to want and own such toys. Toys are not more child-friendly any more, they are just a reflection of the underlying violence, fear, aggression and anger in society, and children, without our realizing it, are picking up these signals and 'transmitting' them.
Another very instrumental cause for the spread of aggressive mentality is cable TV. This is a very 'touchy' topic with most parents, but I am definitely going to touch on it! Parents are hooked to TV soap serials, and family intrigues, hostility, revenge, dramatic vengeance plots, WWF, Fashion TV, it is all on display for our kids almost all hours of the day! Wow! It gets even worse for children watching cartoons (safe for children, oh no!) Even the cartoons and children's movies are full of violence, aggression, drama, teenage 'rock and roll' and all kinds of underlying suggestions as to how to get the better of parents! I'm not exaggerating, honestly, just watch what your child is watching, for a day, and you'll be taken aback! Even the so-called 'innocuous' cartoons like Tom & Jerry or Popeye are loaded with hitting and one-oneupmanship. Parents ask their children to watch National Geographic or Discovery, but if there is no supervision or control, who's listening?
The other great negative influence is electronic 'gizmos' like computer games, play-stations, i-Pods, etc. For most parents, these are convenient ways to keep the children out of their way, and a lot of parents feel great pride in their children's intelligence and skills at working these gadgets, little realizing that these soon become the tools of control. Soon enough children dictate to grownups, who in turn feel helpless to regain control. Children watch all kinds of advertising purely aimed at product sales, effectively creating artificial 'needs' in them and filling them with untruths or half-truths. Since children do not have sales resistance or critical minds, they make their parents buy things shown through ads, from small things like toys and junk food to even big things like cars!
We blame TV and society for bringing about perversity and rage, thus giving ourselves a 'clean chit', where we do not have to blame ourselves or the way we are bringing up our children. It is time to look inside and break our own wrong habits. Time to be the parent – the one in control. Would you send your child into a dark, dangerous cave unattended, unaccompanied, not knowing what lurks inside? These influences are like that 'dark cave'. We have to be cautious and in control. It is better to be safe than sorry!
Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'Sundays Around Doon - Rajaji National Park
This week I don’t feel like going out for a picnic. Instead, I want to introspect. I want to go deep into the forest, and find out why we can’t co-exist peacefully, happily together. I mean the forest and us. So let’s go someplace where the soul of the forest resides. Let’s talk to it; let’s find out its grievances and let’s find an honest answer to why the forests are shrinking? Why there have been 13 leopard deaths in just over 2 months? Because every time a leopard dies, he/she leaves behind a family of wife, children or sometimes just the children left all alone in the world. As much as we grieve for a child left without parents after a tragedy, these innocent animals also deserve our sympathies. And not just that, but a direct effort to help them out.
Almost every week, the local newspaper’s headlines shriek at us about capture, injury and death of yet another ‘guldaar’ (a sub-species of leopard). Most of them are trapped and killed. The causes are many – the increasing human population and thereby reducing forest cover for the animals, fear and protection of crops and villages by laying traps, or sheer greed for their precious skins and bones.
Rajaji National Park is situated adjacent to Dehradun city and runs alongside the roads to Roorkee and Haridwar. It has an area of 820.42 sq km, and is open to visitors from mid-November to mid-June. Its rich bio-diversity and beautiful spans make it one of the most popular National Parks in India. Sadly, it’s population of ‘guldaars’ also make it attractive for poachers. It has birding, elephant safaris and jeep rides, offering a mesmerizing experience of the Park. It also has 10 Forest Rest Houses spread over the Park, out of which 7 are in working condition and offer comfortable staying options.
So the next Sunday or so, visit the Rajaji National Park. For a picnic, if you must, or a jolly good ride through the forest. Spend a nice leisurely day admiring the beauty and richness of the forest. Wander across its various spots, as the Park guides will point out to you. Take an Elephant safari, and while he takes you around happily to show you his world, think over why many of his brethren get killed by trains that pass through his habitat. And why they get angry and romp in the villages, if they have such a beautiful place for a home, if only it is left alone for them.
Oh, and if you come across the soul of the forest, just stay silent, and let your soul do the talking. Just for a few minutes, let everything fall silent, let all worries leave you and let the sounds and smell around you take over. The soul of the forest has something for everybody. You see, the forest has always given to man everything he has asked for. It just asks for one thing from man – peaceful co-existence. Is that so hard to give?
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