Far too many of our little children are becoming frustrated, then angry, and in their state of rage the lovable teddy is not safe, toys are thrown around, they make their bodies stiff and unyielding, not to mention even throwing themselves to the ground. Their aggressive behaviour controls their daily play, and is disruptive to friends and family. Why? Because the inputs that they are getting from all around are so full of violence and aggression, they are bound to emulate these patterns sooner or later. Aggression in our children, in society even, has reached alarming proportions, and it is one of the greatest causes of worry for me as a parent. I'm sure it's the same for you.
Growing up, I so often heard that 'our eyes are our window to the outside world'. I would say it holds true for all our senses. What we take in from the outside is bound to remain in us and eventually we will give out what is stored inside. Isn't that what the three famous monkeys of Gandhiji try to depict? As children we were always asked to see good, say good, hear good, do good, and be good. In other words, stay away from 'bad' influences so we may not become 'bad' also. It was a simple philosophy and really worked too. But nowadays, rules have become flexible, control has been compromised and we are trying to be 'cool' parents. Nevertheless, 'cool' or not, aggression is a real cause for worry and most of us don't know how to handle it. So, what is bringing about this behaviour trend? I would say 'toys', 'TV', and 'gizmos' are the primary reasons for this.
Take for example, 'toys'. More than enough has been written about the importance of play in childhood and toys are an integral part of a child's play. But what are children playing with? Guns, swords, 'Jedi' sabres, toys of combat like soldiers, tanks, warplanes, exposing children to concepts of warfare, where killing and hurting are just a game. 'Spiderman', 'Superman', 'Power Rangers', they are all saving the world from imaginary dangers, and planting imaginations of violence in our children. These toys are in great demand (even to obsessive levels!), a child would go through endless tantrums to get them, and eventually, our children are learning their values from action-figures and violent heroes! Even the princes of fairy tales have to kill a few ogres and bad men to reach the princess, and girls are subscribing to these kinds of subliminal 'killing-is-justified' messages, even as boys are worshipping action heroes. Playtime with toys among children has become more about 'grabbing' than 'sharing'. Children who do not have such toys are looked down on and jeered at by other kids, thus creating immense peer pressure to want and own such toys. Toys are not more child-friendly any more, they are just a reflection of the underlying violence, fear, aggression and anger in society, and children, without our realizing it, are picking up these signals and 'transmitting' them.
Growing up, I so often heard that 'our eyes are our window to the outside world'. I would say it holds true for all our senses. What we take in from the outside is bound to remain in us and eventually we will give out what is stored inside. Isn't that what the three famous monkeys of Gandhiji try to depict? As children we were always asked to see good, say good, hear good, do good, and be good. In other words, stay away from 'bad' influences so we may not become 'bad' also. It was a simple philosophy and really worked too. But nowadays, rules have become flexible, control has been compromised and we are trying to be 'cool' parents. Nevertheless, 'cool' or not, aggression is a real cause for worry and most of us don't know how to handle it. So, what is bringing about this behaviour trend? I would say 'toys', 'TV', and 'gizmos' are the primary reasons for this.
Take for example, 'toys'. More than enough has been written about the importance of play in childhood and toys are an integral part of a child's play. But what are children playing with? Guns, swords, 'Jedi' sabres, toys of combat like soldiers, tanks, warplanes, exposing children to concepts of warfare, where killing and hurting are just a game. 'Spiderman', 'Superman', 'Power Rangers', they are all saving the world from imaginary dangers, and planting imaginations of violence in our children. These toys are in great demand (even to obsessive levels!), a child would go through endless tantrums to get them, and eventually, our children are learning their values from action-figures and violent heroes! Even the princes of fairy tales have to kill a few ogres and bad men to reach the princess, and girls are subscribing to these kinds of subliminal 'killing-is-justified' messages, even as boys are worshipping action heroes. Playtime with toys among children has become more about 'grabbing' than 'sharing'. Children who do not have such toys are looked down on and jeered at by other kids, thus creating immense peer pressure to want and own such toys. Toys are not more child-friendly any more, they are just a reflection of the underlying violence, fear, aggression and anger in society, and children, without our realizing it, are picking up these signals and 'transmitting' them.
Another very instrumental cause for the spread of aggressive mentality is cable TV. This is a very 'touchy' topic with most parents, but I am definitely going to touch on it! Parents are hooked to TV soap serials, and family intrigues, hostility, revenge, dramatic vengeance plots, WWF, Fashion TV, it is all on display for our kids almost all hours of the day! Wow! It gets even worse for children watching cartoons (safe for children, oh no!) Even the cartoons and children's movies are full of violence, aggression, drama, teenage 'rock and roll' and all kinds of underlying suggestions as to how to get the better of parents! I'm not exaggerating, honestly, just watch what your child is watching, for a day, and you'll be taken aback! Even the so-called 'innocuous' cartoons like Tom & Jerry or Popeye are loaded with hitting and one-oneupmanship. Parents ask their children to watch National Geographic or Discovery, but if there is no supervision or control, who's listening?
The other great negative influence is electronic 'gizmos' like computer games, play-stations, i-Pods, etc. For most parents, these are convenient ways to keep the children out of their way, and a lot of parents feel great pride in their children's intelligence and skills at working these gadgets, little realizing that these soon become the tools of control. Soon enough children dictate to grownups, who in turn feel helpless to regain control. Children watch all kinds of advertising purely aimed at product sales, effectively creating artificial 'needs' in them and filling them with untruths or half-truths. Since children do not have sales resistance or critical minds, they make their parents buy things shown through ads, from small things like toys and junk food to even big things like cars!
We blame TV and society for bringing about perversity and rage, thus giving ourselves a 'clean chit', where we do not have to blame ourselves or the way we are bringing up our children. It is time to look inside and break our own wrong habits. Time to be the parent – the one in control. Would you send your child into a dark, dangerous cave unattended, unaccompanied, not knowing what lurks inside? These influences are like that 'dark cave'. We have to be cautious and in control. It is better to be safe than sorry!
Juhi Mehta, the quintessenti
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
al mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'
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