Shooting from the hip

Darbar Saheb gets ready for the annual mela that starts 5 days after holi

bhumesh bharti

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

Thank you, God, for the world so sweet,
Thank you, God, for the food we eat,
Thank you, God, for the birds that sing,
Thank you, God, for everything.

God listens to this prayer from millions of little children all over the world every day. How wonderful these words must sound to Him, even though He hears them so often.

Growing up, I distinctly remember always praying as a family, for everything good that happened that day, thanking God for His blessings and mercies, asking for things we needed, thanking Him for things we received, for food, clothes, house, good health, education, family, friends, teachers, plants, animals…The list was long, but each one of us prayed and thanked, and the others just kept adding to the list as we went along. We even thanked God for things that didn't turn out well, things we lost or things we asked for and did not get. Not everything worked out the way we wanted it, but we were taught to thank God even for those! Why?
Well, we learned that God is kind, loving and giving- always listens to our prayers and provides for all our needs and grants our hearts' wishes. But that is not always the case. Many a time, we don't get what we want because that is something we probably don't need, deserve or is bad for us. Simple!
Now, now, a shiny red bike, or a holiday in Goa, or full marks in my exams, or the boy who always teases me getting hurt or failing in the exams, how can all this not be good for me? Well, it is not so simple then, is it? We were told it means that either it does not fit in with God's purpose for our life, or we will get something whenever, and in whatever measure, that God has planned for us.

Now that we are parents, the responsibility of teaching our children these same things has passed on to us. Why do we need to do it? As parents, it is one of our most important spiritual duties. If we are able to instill an 'attitude of gratitude' in our children, they will always know how to be content with whatever they have. They will be able to understand that a short-term loss may, in fact, be a boon in the long-term. Being grateful will help them to live in the moment, secure in the knowledge that God always provides for our needs, but sometimes withholds certain things because He wants to fulfill a greater purpose through us. If they learn that we already have the greatest gift, life, and everything else that we receive is an added bonus, there will be few reasons to complain, and so many reasons to celebrate.

Warning: Our children will learn all this, in a lesser degree through what we tell them, and in a greater measure by watching our actions and attitude. They always look to us to provide the correct example, so we will first have to learn to live this attitude ourselves, and then we can pass it on. A daily practice of being thankful, reviewing our days' actions and interactions as good, bad or something to be worked on, and staying aware of a Higher Power watching over us and providing for us, this will greatly help our children to feel secure and to stay in God's Grace all their lives.

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

Sundays Around Doon - Kumbh 2010

Let's admit it. After all the boasting about of my travels, I'm more of a couch surfer these days, with so much work and an overwhelming response to the online CMS program we have launched. So despite all my efforts not to miss the 'largest confluence on earth', so far I have only been able to visit the happenings courtesy my spotty BSNL broadband and the daily Hindi newspaper.

Poorna Kumbh (or Maha Kumbh as some people like to tout it aka marketing lingo) is one of the most important religious gatherings on earth. And is certainly, the most important religious event in India. After all, who would want to miss tasting the nectar of immortality. 'Kumbh' actually means 'pot'. Every Indian remembers the story of the 'Samudra-manthan' and the resultant 'nectar' that came out of it. It is that 'pot of nectar' that was placed by the 'devtas' at four places. And these four places are the sites of Kumbh every twelve years – Haridwar, Prayaga (Allahabad), Nasik and Ujjain. Not counting the Ardh-Kumbh that takes places every six years.

There, now you know why I want to go to Kumbh. I also have that inner desire to be immortal, ah! But frankly, Kumbh is much more than just a religious gathering. It is a grand experience encompassing religion, rituals, visual treats and an inter-cultural medley. I would not want to miss such an exciting opportunity that showcases the coming together of worlds at such close range. Imagine the most primitive and orthodox of practices finding place next to the ultra-modern world. Imagine what a rich sensory experience it would be to juxtapose the crowds of people from all backgrounds, nationalities, cultures and beliefs all joined together for one reason; a multitude of sights and events parallely seeking your attention.

And before you get lost in the confusion, do take your identity proof. We have had sooo.. many films on 'lost in Kumbh, found in Kumbh' stories. Not to forget your camera, or cameras, for the shutter-happy, since you won't be getting this opportunity again. Go prepared, and go with a couple of days on hand at least, to savor the delights and adventures of the Kumbh. The auspicious bathing dates of the Kumbh can be found on http://kumbh2010hardiwar.gov.in. The period of the Kumbh extends from 14th Jan – 28th April. Though it would be convenient if you stayed away from the 'Shahi Snan' dates, because of the huge crowds and extra tight security on those days. Be prepared to walk and walk, because of the tight security arrangements, and vehicle bans. And be prepared to wake up early, reaaaally early, around 4am--5am to catch those rare early morning bathing rituals. Who knows, you might also catch the 'nectar of immortality'.

If not, atleast you will catch the unforgettable experience of being at the Kumbh. Don't forget to share with all of us.

Him Ahuja is an avid traveler and runs a travel blog called allhimalaya.com

No Q, but B Positive

Dr. Manoj Gupta and my wife Mehak, met for the first time this week. It didn't seem like the first time; though. As soon as Dr. Gupta started to write down the tests I should go through, for my annual physical appraisal, Mehak started suggesting tests that only the very rich; or very mad, go through. I haven't felt 'rich' in a long time, and the 'madness' I assure you, is quite temporary; till my business settles a little. The point is she did convince Dr. Gupta to write down every diagnostic test conceivable.

The next morning, after dropping Rhea to school and having failed to convince the Mrs., that the tests are unnecessary, we landed at DehraDun's (so called) best diagnostic center. The new building was immediately impressive, and we were both relieved to see that medical standards in our town are going north. Only until we stepped inside.
On entering, I could see huge and expensive equipment and uniformed staff, a decent seating area and the usual crowd that gathers in the morning. What a relief… both of us sighed. The TV meanwhile continued playing 'Bhajans' from one of the many religious channels.
I haven't worked for ISO to be able to judge the medical diagnostic standards of this place, but many years of world class retailing and customer service does make you notice things. The reception area had a sweet looking girl 'trying' to manage the 20 people, all asking for attention at the same time. When I suggested a queue to her, she promptly reminded me of my situation (that of a mere customer), and that she knew who came in first. The old Sardar gentleman standing right at the door couldn't even reach the reception for 15 minutes. Mehak's father is an ex-army man… so she took up the challenge and got me registered. This one minute job took us close to 20.

The sea of people then moved to the area where blood samples are taken. I mean everybody just moved there, with their little slips extended towards the staff. Survival of the fittest, I guess applies everywhere. The manager of the place of course, kept changing channels on the TV through all this.

“The CT scanning starts at 9, Sir”; made me find the morning's paper and rest. Mamta Banerjee will present the rail budget etc., occupied me for the some time till I realized that it was a quarter past. “Sir, the CT scan technician will be here soon”, coincided with a young chap entering the premises. He then turned the machine on and reminded me of the 'heating up' process that the machine must go through. Mehak by then noticed the head rest cover, which had seen hundreds before us, without a change. With her around; it had to go, and a new one took some time.  The scan finally happened at 9:40.

The tests came out fine. My cholesterol is under control, and the madness has nothing to do with my head, says the Doctor. Mehak now thinks its DNA related, and is trying to find other people in the family tree that can be blamed for my condition. My blood group is still B+ , hence in spite of my reactions to stumpy customer service, I will go back for my annual heath checks, hoping this time the CT scan will happen at 9 AM.  

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Shooting from the hip

The Kumbh warrior?
bhumesh bharti

Wonder ‘Jam’

Driving down Chakarata Road a.k.a. Suicide Alley, I started wondering yet again… where is Dehradun headed? The traffic situation here is anything but civilized. There was a time when I used to boast to my friends in Mumbai about how I could press the accelerator of my car once and reach office before the car could slow down. Not anymore! There are endless ‘jams’, narrow lanes and movie-goers traffic. If one needs to go to the railway station to pick someone up, it can be a punishment, it takes forever to get there! Just crossing the Panchayati Mandir stretch is a good 15-minute exercise, and then you go through bad congestion on Gandhi road and Prince Chowk. After going through this whole ordeal, if you still have the courage to smile and greet your relatives, then I am sure they really are very dear to you! Jokes apart, have you ever wondered, what the scenario would be in the next 5 years? The worrying part is  that no one in the administration seems to be noticing this either. We need to have a concrete plan in place, as to how to tackle this situation. We can convert certain roads into “one-ways”; we need a better public transport system, so the number of private vehicles on the road can be reduced. If any of you have any ideas about handling this situation, and how to take this up with the administration, do write in to us. Let’s act fast, before half the town turns into a “suicide alley”!

Rishi Saluja is the Associate Editor for Dehradun Classified. He is a theatre enthusiast and can be reached on saluja@dehradunclassified.com

MONEY MATTERS

A few days back, I was talking to a friend of mine about how my daughter, Mannat, and son, Mubaraq, have their birthdays just a few days apart. Mubaraq is turning nine and Mannat two, so I told my friend that just like last year, we would be having a common party for both of them and we could only get away with this maybe for another year, because as our daughter grows older, she would want a party of her own! My friend and I were talking about how expensive it can be to host these parties, what with the gifts, decoration, cake, catering, and other miscellaneous expenses.

I knew that my son was around, but I did not realize that he had been listening to our conversation. When we returned, he said to me that he didn't really want a birthday party. He told me that he understood that it would cost a lot of money and that there was no need for us to waste it! I was taken aback. I was a little upset that my son felt that we could not afford to have a party for him. But I was wrong! He lovingly explained to me that he was only saying that because he understood that money is valuable and the money for the party could instead be used for more important expenses. And he did not look ruffled or upset in the least!
That is when I realized that I should not be upset, I should be proud of him for learning this very valuable lesson so early in his life. And along with it came a sense of accomplishment that we, as parents, had actually succeeded in passing on this message. If I had seen a sense of martyrdom or false sacrifice in him, I would have felt that I had failed, but the complete honesty and acceptance in my son completely floored me! I felt so grateful and thanked God for it! How wonderful this conversation was!
Sometimes we do all we can but our children are always asking for more. And to prove our capability, or because we feel guilty for not giving them enough time, we just keep giving them what they want. Many times we try to over-compensate for certain kinds of lack we may have faced as children by giving them too much. I know that this is out of love, but aren't we compromising a lot on some important values of thrift and self-control? On the one hand, we want our children to grow up to be self-sufficient, but by indiscriminately giving them whatever and whenever they want, they just begin to see money as being infinitely available. The reality can come as a shock to them.

It is a fine balancing act to make our children see that money has to be earned and deserved. We can talk about the deprivation and poverty in the world, how some have too much while others have too little or none at all. Also important to teach them through stories and honest conversations is that we have a higher purpose in life and the values of charity, helping, selflessness and giving, make us grow in spirit. It is difficult for smaller children to understand these, so we can ask them about how they feel when they are kind, or give, share or help. They will easily be able to associate with feeling good and warm inside. So we can associate good and grand feelings with good works. Children are naturally happy and they would love to see others happy as well. We just need to tap into their innate goodness and giving hearts. 

Here, our children must be consistently shown the difference between 'needs' and 'wants'. 'Needs' are those which reflect the basic requirements of our life, and 'wants' are those which the heart desires, things we can do without. We have to teach our children that what gives money its value is that it comes through hard work, sacrifice and a deep sense of responsibility for people around us. They can also be introduced to the concept of saving for a 'rainy day'. We can trust them to use money wisely and well by teaching them the ethical and correct ways to use money, thus providing them with the essential tools of wealth creation and management.

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

In the flow of things!

Anna Tanvir, the late Habib Tanvir’s daughter, was recently visiting from France, and in our studio recording for her new children’s album. She sings like an angel and I’m sure will do well. That however is not this week’s story.

She recorded for five days out of which she was quite unwell for two. The usual stuff that happens to people when they come to India and have our special ‘un-bottled’ water. I am her new music manager for India and wanted to show both chivalry and care, so the artist comes back (fingers crossed) for more. She however gave me little chance to show any. Unwell to the core, she sang all five days and managed to complete four songs , that should have taken, guess what , five days!

I was both surprised and in awe of this fragile-looking woman, who had to use the ladies room many times a day just to stay out of it long enough. What surprised me further was the fact that she did not complain and kept going. (Unlike me in similar situations when …I just take time off and crib.) So, we just went along and waited till she was about to leave, before popping the question. “Anna, how did you manage to keep your chin up and continue working, even when unwell”? She paused before answering, smiled, and said, “I didn’t even know I was unwell, I just went with the flow. You see, music does that to me”.

Anna left for France this Thursday, having shown me a live example of what love for your work can do for you, your people, and sometimes your music manager. She also left me thinking of what would keep me in my ‘flow’…when I would forget everything else and just be so engrossed in that moment, that nothing else mattered.

Mehak, my wife feels in ‘flow’ when she is dancing or teaching aerobics. My daughter, Rhea, when she picks up a new ‘Tintin’. Ghansham our ‘mali’, when he is in our lawn, the ‘Wadali Brothers’ who performed at the Doon Club on Saturday, when they shut their eyes and go ‘Sufi’, our neighbor’s son Abhishek, just looking at his new bike.

‘Flow’ then, must have something to do with getting our best out and maybe happiness, even if it’s an overused word. So ‘flow’ Anna, ‘flow’, and may you always be happy.

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Free Will(y)

My room-mate, a very dear friend, was a 'free willy' fan; and no I don't mean the movie! He argued that if Mother Nature, with her infinite intelligence, and endless possibilities, wanted it that way, She would have somehow ensured that we spend our entire lives with just one spouse/partner. If Man can design a lock that opens with its own key, surely Nature could, and would have done better. I didn't care much for social norms back then; in fact, I still feel that society's rules are far too ‘malleable’ to base a life on; I would rather have something more solid , like a 'principle', but then that's subject matter for a whole new piece!

Anyhow, I don't have enough ammunition with me to take on my friend's argument, and I don't want it to look like a case of sour grapes, so I let it go. We pass out of college, I forget about the ‘lock & key’, and only a few years later we lose contact with each other. Cut to more than 15 years later, I am sitting in an Advanced Pranic Healing class, and the teacher is discussing the relationship between 'character building' and 'spiritual growth'. The discussion comes around to adultery/ promiscuity, and how it slows down the 'spirit', and suddenly, I am reminded of my college friend and his beliefs. I am not so sure if this is enough ammunition to take on my friend again. After all, Nature could have still organized it just so… Besides, I still don't have his whereabouts.

Cut once again, to only a few weeks ago, I have the good fortune of meeting a preacher, a great orator, and a greater man of God – Pastor MC. And once again, the conversation veers to the subject of spiritual growth, and he says something that is so simply profound that it feels like a 'moment of truth' descending upon me. “We grow, because we have Free Will. This is what makes us stand apart from other living beings. We grow when we exercise our free will and choose compassion over indifference and forgiveness over foolishness. We grow when we exercise our free will and choose responsibility over selfishness, generosity over greed, long-term growth over short-term pleasures, and commitment over promiscuity.”

Well, the latest is, thanks to Facebook, I am back in touch with my college room-mate and am seriously contemplating picking up an old unfinished discussion…

Ajay Mehta is a print designer, an Advanced Pranic Healer and a ‘spiritual’ seeker. He can be reached at ajaxmehta@gmail.com

Shooting from the hip

 photo: bhumesh bharti

TROUBLE IN PARADISE?!

My work at the Centre, I love every moment of it. And children love the activities, so usually, I do not face any trouble with tantrums or hysterical crying. But occasionally, a new child joins us, and there are the 'first-day jitters', screaming and crying, not letting go of the parents, afraid of being left by themselves, in short, tantrums.

Yesterday, a very little girl,  just over 4 years old, joined us. She started screaming, crying, tugging, etc. when her mother was about to leave. Well, I stepped in and asked her worried mother to leave. I carried her into the reading room, where I got out some picture-books and jigsaw puzzles. She threw away the books and toys and would just not be consoled. I just kept on doing the puzzle with her, attracting her attention to it and the pictures in the books. Whenever she threw something, I asked her not to, nicely but firmly, and praised her for picking out the right puzzle-pieces or identifying an animal correctly. And within five to seven ten minutes, she was quiet, responding to me, doing the jigsaw beautifully, and was fine by the time the other children joined the class.
Was it magic? Well, for me, it is just a very important part of parenting. For who, among us, has not faced a full-blown temper tantrum from time to time? But most of us just buckle under the pressure it creates in us and our surroundings. It is so much easier to 'give in' just because we feel embarrassed,  tired and upset, or else we just don't know how. But in my experience, the thing which works wonders is a lot of love with a lot of firmness. Children are very intelligent beings, they throw tantrums primarily to test how far they can go with different people, and how much they can get out of it. This is purely human nature. Don't we adults do the same? But this behaviour, if not stopped at the right time and in the correct way, can lead them to be manipulative and self-serving when they grow up.

So what is the right time and the correct way? Well, it's never too soon. We can start when they are infants, and from then on, keep disciplining them according to their age. Here, a very important thing to remember is that disciplining is not the same as punishing, in fact, they are quite opposing. Our children always respond better to a loving tone than to a harsh one, or unkind words. It may take some time and a lot of patience, but the result is definitely worth it.

We have to look directly into their eyes, speaking firmly, but letting our love for them show. We can suggest helpful ways to help them stop. For example, "You are getting hurt by dragging yourself over the floor like that, so if you would just sit up and tell me what it is you want to say, I promise to listen to you. I may not do what you want me to do, if it is not a good or reasonable thing, but I would still like you to tell me about it. But it is hard for me to understand a word of what you are saying because of the screaming and crying". This can be altered according to the age of the child, of course. Also, this is an example, it cannot work for all situations, but you can work out your own loving tantrum-time talk. But the message has to be loud and clear, that we are not giving in to anything unreasonable or wrong, and a tantrum can never be the way for them to achieve anything. This not only teaches them how to behave reasonably and in an acceptable manner, but they also learn the meaning of the very important word 'NO'!

Our children should not be allowed to see emotions of fear or impatience in our eyes. We have to look composed, patient and in control of the situation. Though, this is easier said than done. But I’m sure we can do whatever it takes to teach them the right behaviour and values, while still letting them feel precious and loved?

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

Sundays Around Doon - Dhanolti

God has his own work timings. Not like our 9-5 schedule. Moreover, we can’t blame him if he chooses to shower us with rain, snowfall and pounding hail, just when we thought the summers were here. That’s the damage we have done to the ecological system. So squarely, the blame is on us too. So we go through the entire winters dry like a desert, and then pat comes the rain. But as human beings, we’ve got this ingenious habit of turning everything into opportunity. So why not enjoy the snowfall and make good use of the extended weekend!

Doonites have two favorite places to catch the snow. The masses ofcourse go to Mussoorie. And the more adventurous and resourceful go further to Dhanolti. I’m not saying there is any comparison between the two. But it’s Dhanolti that undoubtedly offers the most pristine surroundings, the most picturesque views of snow-capped peaks, and the finest Deodar slopes.
It’s just 60-65 kms away from Dehradun (30kms from Mussoorie), depending on where you start from, and which route you take. One could go via Mussoorie, facing the steep uphill road to Landour, or take a diversion approx 8kms before Mussoorie and catch the bypass road just above the road going to Barlowganj. Freshly made, this road is a better alternative for those aiming straight at Dhanolti and offers a thrilling drive along the forest. It meets the Mussoorie-Dhanolti-Tehri road at Bataghat. A few kilometers ahead is Buranskhanda, where in March-April one encounters the hills flush with Rhododendrons (Burans is the local name) that make the hills seem on fire. There is also a cut in the ridge here that allows one to spot the neat, long range of snow-capped peaks, along with hot steaming tea served by the lone tea stall at this point. And a few kms ahead, we reach Dhanolti.

Dhanolti is a roughly 2 kilometre patch on the road that runs along the ridge from Mussoorie to Chamba. The actual village being away from the road, there are a few houses and hotels that occupy the most of the concrete mass here.  The most outstanding feature of Dhanolti is its thick forest line of Deodars, Oak and Rhododendrons along the road. It offers the most scenic walks that one can enjoy in the hills. Park your vehicles along the road near the Eco Park that has come up recently or at the MDDA parking down the road. Frankly, despite the Eco Park logo, it has tea stalls selling tea in plastic cups, cement blocks sculpted like wood, and reminders of artificial human intervention in the name of dustbins, cemented floors etc. all huddled together on a narrow patch of slope. Those who have been coming to Dhanolti for decades like me still remember the solitary quietness one enjoyed just walking along these very slopes or sitting under the trees and watching the valleys unfold. A much better spot still virgin is the slopes at the back of the GMVN Rest House or the ones uphill after the Rest House. Enjoy it before another ‘Park’ comes up.

The few hotels here are spaced out, with the GMVN Tourist Rest House and the Forest Bungalow being close together. The small bazaar here offers basic necessities and good sumptuous food. Dhanolti is ideal for those who love be among nature, take a good long walk and read a book under the trees or just gaze at the peaks and valleys for hours.
Hurry up, or the snow will melt. Happy snow-balling!

Him Ahuja is an avid traveler and runs a travel blog called allhimalaya.com

Zen and the Art of Valentine Maintenance.

Mehak and I have been married 10 years, and 10 years are long enough to understand a person, or so we think. As February approaches, our DNAs start to work in different ways. She starts to drop subtle hints about the approaching event and I develop a huge resistance to subtlety. I get the shivers just thinking of the amount of pink and red that would exchange hands on one single day. The reason lies in a very simple ratio… Of boys and girls in our class at St. Jospeh’s a few decades ago. You see, ours was originally a boy’s school that happened to go co-ed…and it of course takes years before the balance is met. So in a class of 50, we had about 6-8 girls. Get the point?

The girls of course got more than their share of attention; and cards, and chocolates and flowers. The unwritten rule amongst boys was, give a ‘Be my Valentine’ type of card (and the usual accessories) to all the girls in your class and wait. If the card comes back, try next year. If it doesn’t (haven’t seen that happening), feel lucky. There were of course boys like me who couldn’t even muster the courage for this high a risk. You see; Baljit (now in the Indian Air Force) and Amit (now a professor of electrical engineering at Minnesota University) and I, were sure that the entry of a girl in any of our lives will be the end of our bonding… or so we said.

The real reason was evident in the mirror. Amit and I wore thick glasses and the worst kind of frames, had more pimples that any girl can handle, and Baljit; was 4 feet 3 (most girls were taller than him), and went to the ‘gurudwara’ everyday to pray for a few more inches. We had the worst cycles one could buy (the ones that ‘doodh wallas’ use till today), when the world had moved to BSA-SLRs. Net, net as students of probability theory, we concluded that our chances of even sitting close to one of these girls (forget valentine cards) was close to zero. So we simply quit trying and bonded with men.

When Mehak and I met in the US, it took me 2 weeks to propose marriage to her. We married soon after that. She often asks me why I was in such a rush to propose and what I saw in her. She thinks I fell in love at first sight… truth be told, I just proposed to every girl I met after school. You see we had long standing ratios to beat, and I still wear thick glasses.

Happy Valentines.

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Shooting from the hip

photo: bhumesh bharti

Still wondering!!

Driving around town, I have been noticing these hoardings which are all over the place. These are not your regular hoardings talking about various products on sale, or about which institute has more toppers, or which new newspaper is being launched, but these are hoardings talking about PEOPLE! These hoardings have faces of like 100 people on it (ok, this might be an exaggeration, but trust me, they are more than one can count on his fingers, especially with the steering wheel in one hand!). And then I start to wonder yet again. Why do people put these hoardings? Is this to feel like a celebrity? Is it to flatter someone? Is it to get some popularity? Is it to say that “don’t mess with me, my face is on hoardings around town”? Is it for an ego boost? How many of us actually see all these faces? If you wonderful people have the answers, please do let us know, and like we say, “keep wondering”!

Rishi Saluja is the Associate Editor for Dehradun Classified. He is a theatre enthusiast and can be reached on saluja@dehradunclassified.com

WHEN I LOST THE ROAD-MAP!

When we had our first child, it was an extreme pleasure to be a parent. He was quiet, non-demanding, sweet, extremely intelligent, non-invasive, in all, a dream baby! He even started to read when he was just over a year! It was fantastic! What more could we have asked for? We thought ourselves so lucky and beyond that, we had a sense of pride that we were bringing up such a well-behaved child. Friends and relatives would compliment us on being such good parents(some were even envious!) Apart from a few health-related and feeding-time hitches now and then, it was all good. And we were convinced that we were doing a wonderful job. And then, we decided to have another baby, fully confident that we would be brilliant this time around as well!

And lo, and behold, when our first son was 3 years and 8 months old, our second child was born. And life as we knew it, completely changed! We felt that we had been tossed onto a roller-coaster and someone had forgotten to turn it off! We were the same people, the same house, the same gene-pool, the same rules, even the same food, but this child was completely different! He was an angel to look at, but there the angelic facade ended! He had a mind of his own, very strong personality, and was a master of tantrums to get his own way! To say the least, it was a shock! We were completely baffled and tried everything we knew to deal with this. But he just would not back down.

It has been a long journey from then to now, when he is 5 years old. I've learned the most in these five years, and my growth has been very fast-paced and comprehensive. In other words, I've had to grow up in a lot of ways, face my faults and shortcomings, and I've had to learn to rise above those to be the best mother I can be to him, as I have been to my older son. The demands have changed, the parameters are different, the policies have had to be revised, the actions and reactions been scrutinized and adjusted. In short, we have learned a very valuable lesson (albeit the hard way!), that our children are born to us for a purpose. They are what they are, because we need to be what we are meant to be. We need to fulfill our purpose in life, and who does it better than our children, who make us look at ourselves in a new way, they teach us to re-examine and analyze ourselves. We can be anything in the eyes of the world, but we are made to face our deepest, darkest fears and shortcomings when we become parents. We are faced with serious responsibility and decision-making, and our patience, tolerance, kindness and compassion is severely tested!

Our children teach us things that, maybe, our parents did not, or we did not want to learn as children. They are here, because a few of the greatest lessons we will ever learn will be through them. We participate in the miracle of their birth, and from then on, our hearts become their school-rooms. We become their teachers and guardians. We are challenged everyday in every which way, and we learn to rise above ourselves and make every moment worthwhile. And even while teaching them how to be responsible adults, we learn the same things along the way.
I once read somewhere, “There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.” Oh! What a blessing my son has been! I know I'm that much better for I have him in my life. All my three children are so different, yet there is so much each one continues to teach me. Let us appreciate the miracle of our children, and feel grateful for all the learning and growth they have brought into our lives.

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

The God of Junga

35 kids, 2 instructors and a whole lot of chaos; is the closest definition of how I spent this week. Junga is near Shimla and I was part of an outdoor training camp for school kids. My role as an outdoor training instructor is to get kids to do activities that only outdoors permit. Kids build their own bridges over small rivers, create rafts that actually float, walk on fire, play with snakes, gaze at stars and learn Newton’s laws by cycling down the hill.

The kids this time were mostly older. Class 9-12 kinds. This meant that old fogeys like me had to demonstrate a larger amount of stamina (i.e. smoke-less) and do a lot of things that I usually don’t do, run, for example, down a hill.

I came back on Thursday and narrated the last 3 day’s events to my wife. It took me almost all of breakfast and another 2 hours to give her the complete download on the exciting stuff I’d done (this was the first time I’d done the fire walk myself).

Whilst we pride ourselves at the learning these kids have, this time I learnt more from the kids, than they learnt from me. I had the usual winter running nose and sore throat; and the Junga chill made matters worse. I also made sure that the entire camp knew of the huge sacrifice I was making …working at 3 degrees Celsius when I should be with a hot water bottle. The kids love the camp and the community soon starts to behave as a family. Mayank , Ayesha, Ajay and Shruti were the senior-most of the kids and in a way, the leaders of the pack. After listening to my sob stories about the ever running nose, the kids decided to reverse roles and treat me like a kid. So, come day 2 evening, they first got a hot cup of soup, then made sure that I was given my hot water bottle, and along with that left a small card. The card wasn’t the ‘get well soon’ kind. Made out of an A4 size plain paper, it had the names and cartoons of 9 kids in the camp that had running noses and sore throats, with their signatures certifying the actual existence of the situation. On the inside of the card were just the following words…”grow up, you’re not the only one”…

I guess there’s God in Junga somewhere, and I just got my wake-up call. Thanks kids.

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Let’s begin with the end

Imagine yourself going to the funeral of a friend that you've known closely. Imagine, in your mind’s eye, the shock with which you received the news, and travelled to the venue. You see some familiar faces, and one asks, 'How much did he leave'? And someone answers, 'Oh, he left it all!!'

You go further, and suddenly realize that you've actually come for your own funeral. Yes, I know I am still fishing on the peripheries of morbidity, but I promise, not for long. I promise! So, I want you to imagine exactly how you would like each one of these people gathered at your funeral to remember you. Your close family and friends, your children, your siblings, elders and the young ones, your distant relatives and acquaintances, your office or work peers, juniors, seniors, may be even your neighbours and people from your larger social circle. What would you like each of these people to have seen in you? Would you like them to believe that you made a difference to their lives?

If you did this visualization seriously, in those moments of insight and self-evaluation, you will have touched the very core of your being. These feelings that you just experienced, are your very own ‘guidance system’. The further you go away from this core, greater is the anguish and aimlessness you feel. Staying close to this core, you experience purposeful and satisfying lives.

Another fantastic benefit of this technique - the creative visualization actually helps us manifest the desired future. As Rhonda Byrne says in “The Secret”, all things are created twice; first, as a desire, as a visual representation in the mind, and then the second time, in its physical reality.

Here is how it works - when you go on a journey, you decide the destination before you start the journey, and not the other way round. Right?

Ajay Mehta is a print designer, an Advanced Pranic Healer and a ‘spiritual’ seeker. He can be reached at ajaxmehta@gmail.com

Shooting from the hip

photo: bhumesh bharti

A 'touching' message!

“Love, compassion, and tolerance are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

These simple words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama hold a world of truth and wisdom for me. More so because every single day of my life as a mother, this is required from me, and often I find myself on the brink of failure. It is so hard to hang on to these finer feelings in the face of tantrums, fighting, whining, diaper changes, sleepless nights, feeding routines, ... I can go on and on. Let me tell you something about myself – well actually, it's everything, because being a parent is my life now! I have three children, aged nine, five and two, (I can see you all just shaking your heads in understanding and sympathy!) Well, I used to feel the same way about myself. But over time,(and lots of reading, workshops and introspection), I have discovered that my children are the greatest source of joy in this world for me, and I want to give myself the opportunity to experience it.

Imagine the confusion a little soul has to experience right from the time of birth! From a warm, safe environment, it is pushed out into a world full of bright lights, strange noises and smells, and sensations of hunger and thirst! From that time onwards to about the age of seven, life is all about adjusting and surviving within the family structure. Their basic needs of food, warmth and security are primary, and if they are met in a loving and kind way, the children feel a sense of belongingness and security. The small baby does not see himself as being separate, but feels the family to be an extension of himself. If we fail to respond to these needs, the world becomes a scary and unpredictable place for our children. They will then tend to see grown-ups, especially parents, as unreliable and not to be trusted!

We want our children to be emotionally strong and independent, but when they cry for prolonged periods, or feel scared in a dark room, or we've been away from them for a long time, our comforting voice and warm embrace can work wonders. They need our hug, our loving touch at such times. Touch is a basic need of all humans, even animals do it naturally. It is form of communication, one that cannot be put into words. As adults, we often want and need to be touched, and couples often complain of neglect in this part of their relationship. Yet, we hold back as parents, afraid to produce a 'softie'. Or sometimes we are just too busy or irritable or simply uncaring. Research has shown that children who are denied physical contact develop slowly at all levels- physical, mental, emotional, even spiritual. This is the reason, many of the ancient and indigenous cultures used the 'kangaroo philosophy'- having their small infants strapped to their mothers' bodies. Touch goes deeper than just a physical sensation. It is a sharing of our energy fields, which brings about a harmony which has profound healing properties. How much stronger it would be coming from a loving parent!

“Breathing in, I know my dear one is in my arms, alive. Breathing out, she is so precious to me.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh's 'Hugging Meditation'.

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'

Frank “My Way” Sinatra and Rhea’s new school

Rhea, my daughter; joined school recently. That in it may be routine; but not our experience. Outside the school, all of us parents may weigh ourselves in the usual social hierarchy…jobs, money, status, car, education, till you find yourselves in the same queue outside the school. The line that puts us all into place…a very humble place. A place where we all look at the school building, then at our children, and then towards the sky, asking for help.

Both my wife and I are non-believers, which puts us in a rather strange position in such circumstances. We have nobody to pray to, and so the results of what we do fall squarely back on us. We applied only to one school in Dehradun (against every advice), avoiding even the ones we ourselves studied in. We stood in front of the gates of the each school when kids walked out, and counted the number of smiling children. The highest scoring school got our kid. Our worry of course was, what if? Lucky she got in, lucky that we didn’t apply elsewhere. And imagine our added joy, when the principal asked Rhea how her first day was, and bang came her convincing reply “nice, very nice”. She was smiling; and we continue to be non-believers.

I grew up on Frank Sinatra and still have a photo of his on my visiting cards, and the following words from his song ; ‘My Way” on my desktop:
“I've lived a life that's full -
I've traveled each and every highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.”
The question is, is there any other way to smiles?

Vineet Panchhi owns and runs Audio Wagon, his lifelong passion and now a music company. He blogs at Unplanned Journeys , and can be reached at: vineet.panchhi@audiowagon.com

Sundays Around Doon - Asan Barrage

Yippee! Spring is here. Bollywood has a fine collection of songs devoted to spring, Kalidas even wrote an epic poem on it. Okay, ok, but seriously, can’t you feel a change in the air? The fragrance of the flowers, the subtle scent in the wind of an early summer, and the exhilaration in the hearts. It’s the season of love. Though, we’re not going to talk about Love, sorry to disappoint you. This is the season that always gets my feet restless, and eager to go out and explore the world.

The winter is about to go, and summer’s already knocking, that’s perfect excuse for a picnic. And we have some foreign guests to meet too, in fact hundreds of them. Nothing could be better than sharing your Sunday lunch along with them and having a tête-à-tête. Well, to break the suspense, I’m talking about ‘Asan Barrage Bird Sanctuary’.

Located just 43kms from Dehradun on the Doon – Chandigarh/Shimla highway, this scenic water body was formed way back in 1967, when the Asan Barrage was constructed at the confluence of Asan river and Yamuna canal coming from Dakpathar. Though, it was later that the local birders started noticing the winter trans-Himalayan migration pattern of the birds. An initial checklist was made, and today, Asan Barrage is a well known Bird Sanctuary, popular among birders from all over the country. Around 30 migratory species of birds make Asan Barrage their halt during their journey. Locals know it as a popular Sunday picnic spot for water sports.

The lake with a fascinating view of the Shivalik forest range at the horizon makes its first appearance when we climb up the narrow road and come level with it. The short drive along the lake offers a wide view of the wetland. GMVN runs a water sports complex here, and has boats for hire. You can make a stop here and enjoy the paddle-boat ride. Sometimes, the birds allow the boats to come quite close. But it would be best if you take your binoculars along and catch a view of as many as 50 migratory and local species of birds.

Just where the GMVN complex is situated (incidentally, they also have a few log huts on hire for the night, but badly located), the road leaves the lake and goes on to the barrage, and onward to Paonta Sahib. Just before the barrage bridge, there is a small restaurant on the left, which is very popular with those traveling to Paonta Sahib, Chandigarh or Nahan. Run by a father-son duo, it is popular for its famed omelettes and pakoras. It has enough parking space and a large lawn with chairs, where you can enjoy your meal and snacks. But let me tell you my favorite; after the boat-ride to satisfy the children, park at the restaurant, order your choicest snacks, and move on the road adjacent to the restaurant. It has a wooded area on the left, and the lake on the right and offers decent shade with trees on both sides of the road. Bring your rugs along, choose a clean spot and spread them wide. Open your lunch boxes & fill them with snacks from the restaurant and you are in your own private heaven. Beware of the monkeys though, it is their home turf and they are never far away from the tasty food that you have brought. If you are going there soon, don’t forget to taste the delicious ‘Chakotras’, that are sold just opposite the restaurant by local boys.

A boat-ride, a spicy omelette, and a lunch later, dusk is the perfect time to head back home. The lake offers a beautiful sunset view, so don’t miss out on that. See you there!

Him Ahuja is an avid traveler and runs a travel blog called allhimalaya.com