MONEY MATTERS

A few days back, I was talking to a friend of mine about how my daughter, Mannat, and son, Mubaraq, have their birthdays just a few days apart. Mubaraq is turning nine and Mannat two, so I told my friend that just like last year, we would be having a common party for both of them and we could only get away with this maybe for another year, because as our daughter grows older, she would want a party of her own! My friend and I were talking about how expensive it can be to host these parties, what with the gifts, decoration, cake, catering, and other miscellaneous expenses.

I knew that my son was around, but I did not realize that he had been listening to our conversation. When we returned, he said to me that he didn't really want a birthday party. He told me that he understood that it would cost a lot of money and that there was no need for us to waste it! I was taken aback. I was a little upset that my son felt that we could not afford to have a party for him. But I was wrong! He lovingly explained to me that he was only saying that because he understood that money is valuable and the money for the party could instead be used for more important expenses. And he did not look ruffled or upset in the least!
That is when I realized that I should not be upset, I should be proud of him for learning this very valuable lesson so early in his life. And along with it came a sense of accomplishment that we, as parents, had actually succeeded in passing on this message. If I had seen a sense of martyrdom or false sacrifice in him, I would have felt that I had failed, but the complete honesty and acceptance in my son completely floored me! I felt so grateful and thanked God for it! How wonderful this conversation was!
Sometimes we do all we can but our children are always asking for more. And to prove our capability, or because we feel guilty for not giving them enough time, we just keep giving them what they want. Many times we try to over-compensate for certain kinds of lack we may have faced as children by giving them too much. I know that this is out of love, but aren't we compromising a lot on some important values of thrift and self-control? On the one hand, we want our children to grow up to be self-sufficient, but by indiscriminately giving them whatever and whenever they want, they just begin to see money as being infinitely available. The reality can come as a shock to them.

It is a fine balancing act to make our children see that money has to be earned and deserved. We can talk about the deprivation and poverty in the world, how some have too much while others have too little or none at all. Also important to teach them through stories and honest conversations is that we have a higher purpose in life and the values of charity, helping, selflessness and giving, make us grow in spirit. It is difficult for smaller children to understand these, so we can ask them about how they feel when they are kind, or give, share or help. They will easily be able to associate with feeling good and warm inside. So we can associate good and grand feelings with good works. Children are naturally happy and they would love to see others happy as well. We just need to tap into their innate goodness and giving hearts. 

Here, our children must be consistently shown the difference between 'needs' and 'wants'. 'Needs' are those which reflect the basic requirements of our life, and 'wants' are those which the heart desires, things we can do without. We have to teach our children that what gives money its value is that it comes through hard work, sacrifice and a deep sense of responsibility for people around us. They can also be introduced to the concept of saving for a 'rainy day'. We can trust them to use money wisely and well by teaching them the ethical and correct ways to use money, thus providing them with the essential tools of wealth creation and management.

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'