TROUBLE IN PARADISE?!

My work at the Centre, I love every moment of it. And children love the activities, so usually, I do not face any trouble with tantrums or hysterical crying. But occasionally, a new child joins us, and there are the 'first-day jitters', screaming and crying, not letting go of the parents, afraid of being left by themselves, in short, tantrums.

Yesterday, a very little girl,  just over 4 years old, joined us. She started screaming, crying, tugging, etc. when her mother was about to leave. Well, I stepped in and asked her worried mother to leave. I carried her into the reading room, where I got out some picture-books and jigsaw puzzles. She threw away the books and toys and would just not be consoled. I just kept on doing the puzzle with her, attracting her attention to it and the pictures in the books. Whenever she threw something, I asked her not to, nicely but firmly, and praised her for picking out the right puzzle-pieces or identifying an animal correctly. And within five to seven ten minutes, she was quiet, responding to me, doing the jigsaw beautifully, and was fine by the time the other children joined the class.
Was it magic? Well, for me, it is just a very important part of parenting. For who, among us, has not faced a full-blown temper tantrum from time to time? But most of us just buckle under the pressure it creates in us and our surroundings. It is so much easier to 'give in' just because we feel embarrassed,  tired and upset, or else we just don't know how. But in my experience, the thing which works wonders is a lot of love with a lot of firmness. Children are very intelligent beings, they throw tantrums primarily to test how far they can go with different people, and how much they can get out of it. This is purely human nature. Don't we adults do the same? But this behaviour, if not stopped at the right time and in the correct way, can lead them to be manipulative and self-serving when they grow up.

So what is the right time and the correct way? Well, it's never too soon. We can start when they are infants, and from then on, keep disciplining them according to their age. Here, a very important thing to remember is that disciplining is not the same as punishing, in fact, they are quite opposing. Our children always respond better to a loving tone than to a harsh one, or unkind words. It may take some time and a lot of patience, but the result is definitely worth it.

We have to look directly into their eyes, speaking firmly, but letting our love for them show. We can suggest helpful ways to help them stop. For example, "You are getting hurt by dragging yourself over the floor like that, so if you would just sit up and tell me what it is you want to say, I promise to listen to you. I may not do what you want me to do, if it is not a good or reasonable thing, but I would still like you to tell me about it. But it is hard for me to understand a word of what you are saying because of the screaming and crying". This can be altered according to the age of the child, of course. Also, this is an example, it cannot work for all situations, but you can work out your own loving tantrum-time talk. But the message has to be loud and clear, that we are not giving in to anything unreasonable or wrong, and a tantrum can never be the way for them to achieve anything. This not only teaches them how to behave reasonably and in an acceptable manner, but they also learn the meaning of the very important word 'NO'!

Our children should not be allowed to see emotions of fear or impatience in our eyes. We have to look composed, patient and in control of the situation. Though, this is easier said than done. But I’m sure we can do whatever it takes to teach them the right behaviour and values, while still letting them feel precious and loved?

Juhi Mehta, the quintessential mother-teacher, runs Life Express - an after-school center for children. She can be reached at juhimalini@gmail.com. She also writes 'Reflections of an inner Journey'